


A helping hand

by karmicMayhem



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Buckle up, Fluff, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Ren is a Good Friend, a look into Ren as he grew up, and his friendship with Gakushuu, but after that it'll be going from the very beginning, some hints of Ren/Gakushuu, starts in the present in the first chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:34:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 31,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26079568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/karmicMayhem/pseuds/karmicMayhem
Summary: A look into Ren's friendship with Gakushuu over the years and how they've both developed into the people they are now. How did they meet? And in what ways do they influence each other?(Will be mostly about Ren and from his perspective, but occasionally there will be Gakushuu's pov as well)
Relationships: Asano Gakushuu & Sakakibara Ren
Comments: 101
Kudos: 173





	1. Chapter 1

_Present day:_

Ren stood with the rest of the Big Five behind Asano as their leader spoke with the principal about current matters. His hands were shoved into his pockets and he let his attention drift in and out of the conversation, knowing he wasn't needed for this one. 

He was thankful that, despite his title as secretary of the Student Council, he wasn’t normally needed in their monthly debriefings with the principal. His eyes drifted over to his friend and narrowed when he saw how tense his shoulders were getting. Asano was always at least a _little_ on-edge when talking to his father, but if it was _this_ bad, that meant…

“-And I do expect better results from you soon, Asano-kun. Another failure wouldn't suit the school’s top student.” The man’s smile was saccharinely sweet. “Don't you agree?”

Exactly as Ren thought. It meant that the principal was being openly cruel to his son. 

Wonderful.

Asano’s spine was ramrod straight, but he kept his voice and expression deceptively light. “Of course, principal.” From where Ren was standing he could see Asano’s hands, deliberately folded behind his back, clench a little. 

Ren really had to commend Asano’s ability to hold his temper. He knew how difficult it could be and, when it came to that skill, Asano was one of the best at it.

The man smiled wider and clapped his hands together once. “Wonderful!” he said. “Well, you may go to class now. The first bell will be ringing soon.”

As they began to make their way to the door, however, his voice called out once more, “Ah, Sakakibara-kun? Would you mind staying behind for a moment? There's something I'd like to speak to you about.”

They all froze in their tracks. Ren saw Asano shoot him a subtle but worried look, not wanting to leave him alone with his father after the pole-toppling debacle. 

Ren couldn't blame him, honestly. He'd peeked into the office while the cleaning staff had still been mopping up the bloodstains. The room had looked like something from a _nightmare._

With a reassuring smile, Ren did his best to ease his friend’s worries. “It’s fine. Save a seat for me in class, okay? I promise I won't be late.”

_I promise I'll be fine._ Was the unspoken message that they thankfully seemed to get. Asano gave him a slightly curious and hesitant nod before he led the others out of the office. 

He'd likely have questions for him later. 

Turning back to the principal with an easy smile, Ren asked, “So you wanted to speak with me, sir?” 

“Yes,” the man began, his tone deceptively pleasant, “I did. You see Sakakibara-kun, I’ve gotten the strangest impression that you don’t like me very much.” His hands were folded calmly in his lap and there was a smile on his face, but his eyes seemed to be staring _through_ Ren.

Ren cursed internally, careful to keep his posture and expression unchanged. What gave him away? He’d been friends with Asano for _years_ now, so what did he do to finally tip the man off…?

Well, now wasn’t the time to worry about where he slipped up. 

“That _is_ strange, sir.” Ren replied, his tone equally cheerful. “After all, what on earth could I _possibly_ have against you?”

The principal raised an eyebrow and chuckled, taking the pointedly polite remark as the jab to his parenting skills the way he knew it was intended. “What indeed…?” he questioned lightly. “Well, that was all I wished to discuss. You may leave.” His eyes closed affably as he smiled at his student. 

Not trusting him but eager to leave, Ren turned on his heel and began walking towards the door. 

Which soon proved to be a mistake as, body reacting almost on instinct alone, Ren whipped his head to the left just as something _whizzed_ by at top speeds. Tracking the flying object with his eyes and having no time to think, Ren jumped to the side _just_ as the object ricocheted off the wall and hurtled back towards him, missing him by a hair’s width before landing perfectly back in the principal’s grasp. 

Adrenaline and heart both pumping at top speeds, Ren trained his eyes on the skid mark left on the wall. Now that he had enough time to mentally identify what the object was, he knew that it was a ball a little bigger than the size of his fist. And with the force and speed that it hit the wall, if it had actually hit his head the way it was aimed to…

He would have absolutely gotten a concussion. At _least._

Smoothing the irritation off of his face before turning to face the principal once more, Ren adopted a politely confused expression as he asked, “Sir?”

“Just something I wanted to test.” the man replied, his tone amiable as though he hadn't just nearly _removed Ren’s head._ “Say, Sakakibara-kun?” he began lightly. “Your reflexes are absolutely _impeccable._ It's truly interesting as to how a normal student could dodge a throw like that so accurately with such little warning.” He grinned with just a few too many teeth, a clear threat underlying his words. “And I _do_ wonder why that is.”

Ren’s eyes narrowed for just a moment. _Ah_ , he thought, _so that's what his angle is here._

_Bastard._

Smiling brightly at the man, Ren’s voice turned almost _sickly_ sweet as he replied, “Well I’m certainly lucky that I was able to!” He tilted his head a little and placed his hand on his chest, lacing his words with a threat of his own, “You threw that ball pretty hard, sir. I'd _hate_ for you to get in trouble for harming a student, after all!”

The man’s eyes narrowed in return at that, but his smile never faltered. He chuckled in a way that was almost a _parody_ of warmth. “Quite so. Well, I do believe that the bell will be ringing soon. Off to class with you.” With that, the man looked down and began to sign some paperwork in front of him, blatantly dismissing the other. 

Happy to get away from the man, Ren turned on his heel to leave, though this time more alert to his surroundings than he was the last time. He shut the door behind him as he left, sighing soundlessly once he knew he was no longer in the principal’s sight. 

He really had no clue how Asano could deal with that man daily. 

He walked through the hallways to get to his class when he heard muffled crying from nearby. The hallways were already mostly empty as the students were all already in their classrooms, earlier than the first bell. 

Then, down the hallway to his left, he found the origin of the sound. It was a mousy looking girl sitting against the lockers, sobbing into her hands. 

He stopped and looked at her for a second. He didn't recognize her, so it was pretty likely that she was new. Silently opening his bag, he shuffled around for a while before pulling something out. It was a small container full of different colorful origami flowers. 

Taking an intricate blue one out and putting the container back in his bag, he stepped forward and knelt down in front of her. “Hello.” he said, his voice soft. 

The girl’s head snapped up, seemingly horrified at being seen sobbing. “...H-hello….” she said, her voice shaky from crying. 

He smiled, taking in her confused expression. He offered the flower in his hands to her, her eyes growing wide as she accepted it. “No one should be left to cry alone.” he said, his voice like sweetened honey. “Especially a girl as lovely as you.”

Admiring the delicate paper flower, the girl began to absentmindedly wipe her tears away, momentarily distracted from her sadness. “Oh…” she aimed a watery smile up at him. “...Thank you.”

Before Ren could respond, the sound of the bell rang out through the hallways. Jumping up to his feet, he muttered a hurried, _“Fuck_ , I can't be late.” Turning to look at the girl, he began to back away in preparation to bolt for his classroom. “You should head to class too so you don’t get in trouble!”

“Oh!” the girl said, hurrying to stand as well, rubbing at her face to clean it of tears. “Right, thanks!”

With a parting wave, they were both off in their own directions. Breaking the school’s ‘no running’ rule, Ren managed to make it to class _just_ in time, slowing down just as he approached the door so it looked like he had walked instead of sprinted. Asano shot him a questioning look as he sat down, but thankfully the teacher began class before he could ask what the principal had wanted to speak to him about.

Resting his head in his hand, Ren began to plan what to tell his friend when asked.

How troublesome.

\--

Ren stood at the gate after school ended, waiting with the rest of the Big Five for Asano to get out of the meeting he was called into with his father.

When their leader finally arrived, Ren’s eyes immediately focused on the stiff set of his shoulders and spine. 

Ah, so the meeting didn't go well. 

Asano came out of nearly _every_ meeting with his father looking more annoyed and tense than when he went in, whether it went well or not, but it was never more obvious than when the meeting went badly. The others didn't seem to notice the signs, but Ren had known Asano the longest. He could read him better than anyone. 

As they began to make their way to their houses, Ren hung back a bit and silently observed them all. 

Seo was boasting loudly about something to a slightly disinterested Koyama. Araki’s mouth was pulled down into a small frown as he stared down at his camera, not speaking. Asano’s eyes were narrowed at the street in front of him, clearly lost in his own head and not listening to whatever Seo was talking about.

Ren frowned as he watched his friend’s shoulders become tenser and tenser as he began to mentally spiral downward. He needed to do something to break the tension and help him relax, but what exactly could Ren _do?_

His first reaction was to convince them to go to a cafe with him, since having a good cup of coffee seemed to ground Asano pretty well, but none of the others would agree to go if Asano didn't. And Ren knew that, with the mood Asano was currently in, the odds of him agreeing to go and ‘goof off’ were even lower than normal. He would first need to be put in a slightly better frame of mind.

That meant that Ren would need to get creative. 

Mind whirring at top speeds as he began to formulate a plan, his eyes landed on a stray brick laying on the sidewalk.

_Perfect._

He casually removed his hands from his pockets as he walked in preparation. As he drew closer to the brick he let his foot catch it at _just_ the right angle to trip him.

“Ow!” he complained loudly as he caught himself using his hands and knees, causing the others to stop and look back. He hissed quietly as he felt how scratched up his left hand had gotten, as it had taken the brunt of his impact. Not planned, but he could handle it.

He could hear Seo laughing loudly at his misfortune, with Koyama’s quiet snickering joining him soon after. But they weren't the ones whose reaction mattered right now. Eyes drifting over to Asano, he saw the other assessing him with his eyebrow raised, a faint smile tugging at his lips. 

Ren felt a warm rush of accomplishment hit him. He knew that Asano was the type to become at least a _little_ amused by the misfortune of others, as long as it wasn't terribly serious. And that put him in just a bit better of a headspace, which was all Ren needed. 

Asano leaned down a bit and offered his hand. Casually tucking his left hand into his pocket so the injury wouldn't be noticed, Ren took the proffered hand with his right hand and stood up. 

“You should really watch where you're going.” Asano chided him mildly, a small bit of amusement in his tone.

Ren laughed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah, sorry. I was kinda lost in thought.” Then, widening his eyes as though a thought had just occurred to him, he exclaimed a bright, “Oh!” He brought his free hand to his chest as he added, “I know what will soothe my poor injured pride.” Grinning as Asano rolled his eyes, he went on, “There’s a cool new cafe pretty close to here that I heard about recently. It’s supposed to be pretty upscale. We should go!”

Glancing around at the others, he could tell that Seo was interested. He was easy to talk into things, always interested in going to fancy places so he could feel more important than other people. Araki and Koyama both also seemed interested, but they would go along with whatever the group decided. Which meant that the only person left to convince was…

“I heard that their coffee is supposed to be amazing, actually.” he commented in an offhanded manner. From the corner of his eye he could see Asano shift a fraction, his eyes lighting up a little in interest. 

_Ha,_ he thought, repressing a satisfied smile, _got you._

Asano could be lured into most outings with the promise of a really good cup of coffee. To make his comment seem less pointed he added a cheerful, “And I really want to try it with one of their pastries. The tiramisu is supposed to be really good!”

“I hope they have some kind of blueberry dessert…” Seo muttered as he scrolled through something on his phone, most likely trying to figure out which cafe it was.

Asano sighed. “I suppose a short trip wouldn’t affect my schedule too much. I do need to be home within a few hours to study, though.”

Ren smiled and began to lead the way as he added a calming, “Hey, if you want, we can review while we’re there.”

Some more of the tension in Asano’s posture relaxed at that. “That sounds acceptable.” he said with a small nod. 

“Great!” Ren said as he glanced down to make sure he hadn't torn a hole in the knee area of his pants when he fell. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any damage. Good. These were tailored, after all.

The rest of the walk was spent that way, full of idle chatter from the rest of them while Asano seemed to just be absorbing it silently. 

Ren let himself enjoy the peacefulness of the moment.

…

From the almost _sedated_ look on Asano’s face, Ren knew that he was really enjoying his coffee. Ren hid a smile behind his bite of tiramisu. _Mission accomplished._

Now he needed to figure out what was up with Araki.

He looked over at the other who was still staring down at the camera in his grasp. Careful not to grab anyone else's attention, Ren quietly asked, “Hey, is something wrong, dude?” thankful for once for Seo’s loud voice distracting the others as he regaled them with some story that may or may not have even happened. 

Araki shifted a bit in his seat and his eyes widened a little, seeming surprised at the question. “Oh, uh…” he paused before sighing. “Yeah, something’s wrong with my camera and I'm not really sure what, but it's just not working properly.”

Ren frowned sympathetically. Araki’s family wasn't _poor_ per se, but Ren knew that his camera was pretty expensive _and_ a gift from his grandfather. Not only would it be difficult to replace, the camera _itself_ was important to him. Ren hummed quietly as he thought over what he could do. 

Smiling as an idea hit him, Ren leaned forward a bit and said, “Hey, I have a solution. There’s an electronics shop that's really good at what they do not too far from here, and I've seen them working on cameras before.” 

Araki blinked in surprise. “Oh?” he asked. 

Ren nodded. “Yep! My parents actually employ them a lot when some of their tech breaks. If I go with you when you go to get your camera looked at, you'll get a really big discount from them.”

Eyes lighting up, Araki beamed at him. “Really!?” he asked, visibly excited. 

“Uh huh!” Ren said, glad his friend was in a better mood already. “I can text you their info later and go with you this weekend if you want?”

At Araki’s cheerful nod, Ren smiled once more and took a sip of his coffee, enjoying the flavor. 

Mmmm, he could understand Asano’s blissful expression now. This place really _was_ good. 

“Hey Ren?”

Ren paused and looked up at Seo, curious about what he wanted. “Yes?”

The other boy narrowed his eyes in confusion and asked, “So what'd the principal want with you anyway?”

Ren saw Asano immediately stiffen up a bit in his seat. Hurrying to indirectly reassure him, Ren huffed a casual laugh and answered, “Oh, it wasn't anything bad. He just wanted to clear something up with me, is all.”

Untensing a fraction, Gakushuu narrowed his eyes at him, a suspicious look crossing his face. “And why did that take so long? Just clearing something up shouldn't have held you back so long that you had to run to make it to class on time.”

A small grin quirked up at the corner of Ren’s mouth. Of _course_ he noticed. Ren wasn't even surprised that the other had picked up on that. 

He began to think over how he should respond to the question. 

_Well you see,_ he thought with a touch of bitterness, _your father held me back just to threaten me. Also he tried to remove my fucking head with a projectile._

_Fun times._

What he _actually_ said was, “Oh, I was a bit later than I was going to be because there was a girl crying in the hallway. I stopped to try and cheer her up a little.” Not technically a lie as that _did_ actually happen.

Asano frowned at him. “Class is more important than something like _that_ Ren. It wouldn't do for you to be late to class.” he said, his voice stern.

Ren could tell what the other _wasn't_ saying by the furrow to his brows and how tightly he held his cup. _I was worried that it took you so long to come back with a meeting with my father,_ he was thinking, _don't do that again._

Smiling pacifingly at the other, Ren said, “You're right, sorry. I'll try not to take that long if it happens again.” He watched as Asano nodded once, seemingly satisfied, and went back to sipping his coffee. 

Ren almost sighed out loud. That was _one_ crisis averted. 

Now he just needed to make sure that the rest of the outing remained as tranquil as possible. 

Well, as long as Seo refrained from yelling at the servers, he figured it wouldn't be _too_ difficult. As he finished off the rest of his cake, he pulled his book out of his bag and opened it to where he left off. 

He'd have to make sure they came back here again one day. It was nice.

\--

Out of all of them, Ren had the longest walk home. He didn't mind too much unless it was raining, though, so it was fine. This way he got to enjoy the different shades in the sunset for longer.

Approaching his house, he stopped and frowned when he saw the car parked there. 

_Ah,_ he thought with a small frown, _they're home._

_They're supposed to let me know before they come back from a trip. What if I had company?_

With a sigh he stopped and pulled a binder out of his bag after looking through it to make sure there wasn't any important homework in it. He walked up to the door and opened it, carefully stepping in after a quick glance down at the floor. 

“Hey,” he cautiously called out, “I’m-”

_CRASH_

Ren jumped back just as a vase hit exactly where his head had been. His hand, still holding the binder, snapped up in front of his face just in time to block the small shards of glass that burst from the impact. 

When he was sure it was safe to move, he lowered his hand and strained his ear towards the kitchen where the thrown vase had originated. 

A woman's voice rang out,

“It's _your_ fault the merger went south!”

A man’s voice quickly followed, 

“Mine!?” he demanded. “Maybe if _you_ weren't making eyes at the other company’s accountant, you would have noticed that things were going to shit _faster!”_

There was a distant crash, quickly followed by more enraged yelling. Ren sighed and began to climb the stairs to get to his room. 

_They're certainly energetic today._

Closing his door behind him, Ren relished in the silence it offered, once again thankful that he'd had soundproofing installed in his room. His parents weren't home very often at all, but when they _were_ home, all they did was fight. He understood that they were probably just getting it out of their systems before they had to go back to pretending to be a perfect example of husband and wife, but still. 

Since they ran a company together, they couldn't get a divorce or else the company would suffer greatly. They'd lose too much profit if their image was ruined, so they were stuck together. And Ren understood, he really did. But...

But it had been like this his _whole_ life. And he was just so _tired_ of their fighting. They both loved him dearly, but their hatred for each other sometimes took up so much of their focus that they forgot they had a son, and that he could be injured in the midst of their fighting.

He snorted, almost bitter at the thought. 

_You'd think they'd have learned by now, all things considered._

He quickly waved that thought away, not wanting to let himself fall down the rabbit hole of bad memories.

Over the years, Ren had become extremely adept at easing tense situations, hating the heavy feeling in the air that came with arguing and negative emotions. And he was already dreading dinner time, knowing that he’d have to be the one to calm them both down enough to not stab each other with their silverware.

He was almost tempted to inform them that they had been indirectly threatened today. Ren could tell clearly from the principal's words that he knew _exactly_ what kind of household this was, and the man had made it pretty clear that his parents' reputation was on the line if Ren ever did anything directly against the man.

What a bastard.

It wasn't like he would have anyway. As many issues as he had with the man, that was Asano's fight. He wasn't going to do anything to mess that up for his friend.

With an exhausted sigh, Ren collapsed onto his bed and decided to take a quick nap before dinner. If he was lucky, maybe he’d dream of happier times.

That'd be nice.


	2. Chapter 2

_Age 7:_

A young boy with messy brown hair sat alone in a large room filled wall to wall with shelves. And each shelf was _full_ of different books. He hid himself away in the very back corner of the room, sitting on the floor with his back to the wall as his bright green eyes roved over the book in his grasp, his glasses slowly slipping down the bridge of his nose. He was surrounded by stacks of books in nearly every subject he could get his hands on, switching from book to book as his interest in them came and went.

The boy hid himself even further behind the edge of the bookshelf as he heard the distant arguing of his parents grow closer and closer as they approached the room from the hallway, breaking the peaceful quiet of the atmosphere. 

“-And it’s _your_ fault that we had to respond to the invite of this party so late, anyway.” his mother hissed angrily at her husband as they stood outside the door, only barely trying to keep their voices down.

“The _hell_ it is!” his father spluttered angrily. _“You’re_ the one who wanted to wait until you went out and bought that overpriced dress before we RSVP’d!”

“This dress is _not_ overpriced! It’s-” 

Ren put his hands over his ears, doing his best to block out the noise. 

He hated this.

All his parents did was _argue_. They were agreeing less and less on things and it seemed like they were always just so _mad_ at each other. They were leaving him alone more often as well, telling him that he was plenty old enough to look out for himself since he knew how to cook basic foods and knew basic fire safety. 

He might just be a kid, but even _he_ knew that just being a smart child wasn’t enough to be left home alone. The only upside to it was that he didn’t have to hear their arguing when they weren’t home. The silence of the empty house had been unnerving at first, but now he almost craved it.

He nearly jumped into the air when he heard the door open. “Ren?” his father called. “Are you in here?”

Ren quickly took his hands away from his ears just as he was spotted by his parents. 

“Oh, _there_ you are, sweetie!” his mother called as she walked over, her high heels clicking against the floor as she moved. “C’mon, it’s time to leave so we aren’t late for the party!” She took one of his hands and gently hauled him up to his feet before leaning down and brushing his outfit off. “Honestly,” she muttered, “why would you sit on the floor in this dusty room in such nice clothes…?”

His father rolled his eyes. “You can finish brushing him off in the car.” he said as he glanced impatiently down at his watch. “Let’s go.”

His mother shot the man an annoyed look before smiling down at her son and leading him out of the room.

Ren sighed and resigned himself to his fate.

…

Stepping out of the car, the family began to approach the mansion holding the party they were attending, muffled music and chatter could be heard even from so far away.

“Alright Ren,” his mother said as she carefully adjusted her hair, “there are a lot of important people here, so I want you to be on your best behavior, okay?” She interlocked her arm with her husband’s, since they needed to look like the perfect married couple for this. 

Ren nodded silently as he trailed behind them. ‘Be on your best behavior’ coming from them never meant what it was supposed to mean. Instead it meant ‘smile and pretend like you’re enjoying yourself. Act like a happy child’.

Personally, Ren thought that if his parents wanted a happy child, they should have raised one.

“Ah!” a lady wearing a long burgundy dress cheered as she greeted them at the door. “I’m glad all of you could make it. Come in, come in!” She waved her hand and ushered them inside, closing the door behind them.

The room was filled with chattering people in various shades of designer clothes, all with perfectly styled hair and painted on smiles. There were long tables with pristine white tablecloths topped with food piled onto shining silver platters, near which was a table full of nothing but different desserts. 

The lady who brought them in got the attention of a man Ren assumed to be her husband, “Dear,” she said with a pleasant smile, “look, the Sakaibaras have arrived!”

A man with greying hair turned away from where he had just picked up a champagne glass from a passing waiter’s tray. “Ah!” he began with a large smile, “So good to see all of you! And I see you brought your son as well.” The man aimed his smile down at the boy. “Are you enjoying yourself so far?”

_We just walked in and everything is so_ loud, Ren thought to himself, _I want to go home._

Smiling up at the man, Ren replied, “I am! It seems really fun so far!” His hand traveled almost subconsciously to the front of his suit jacket where the poetry book he brought along with him stayed, in the inside pocket of the jacket, hidden from view. He was glad his parents had allowed him to bring a book this time. 

Ren’s mom laughed lightly at that and gently rested her hand on his shoulder. “Our Ren here has the top grades of his year in his school! We’re so proud of him.” she bragged, her painted red lips parting to show perfectly white teeth. 

The man laughed boisterously. “Well now! That’s certainly something!” He took a sip of his champagne before continuing, “Our son is already off to college. He’s going to take over our business soon so we can retire, you see.”

His wife tittered beside him, her hand politely raised over her mouth. “Oh yes, I can’t wait to visit different vacation spots around the world!”

Ren’s dad chuckled along with them. “Yes, our Ren here is going to take over our business someday as well! He’s already such a bright kid, so I know we won’t have anything to worry about.” He then rested his hand on Ren’s other shoulder, a proud smile plastered on his face. "Apparently we have a full-blown genius on our hands! He was tested and everything. He'll make a good CEO someday for sure."

_Don’t_ I _get a say in that?_ Ren thought bitterly, careful not to drop his smile. _Am I just something you own?_

“Oh,” the lady began happily to Ren, “you must be so excited to have such a bright future ahead of you! Your parents own quite a successful corporation, after all.” Her hand was raised delicately to her chest, her rings glittering in the bright lights of the room. 

“It sounds like it’ll be interesting.” Ren responded politely, tilting his head a bit to add the affect. “I can’t wait.”

The man chuckled at that. “It’s so nice to see a family as happy as yours these days. Some people let owning a business tear their family apart, but you both seem to be balancing everything well.” The man placed his now empty glass on a passing tray. “That’s a good sign of a stable business. A lot of people look for that when they consider investing in a family-run company, you see.” 

“Well,” Ren’s mom replied with a wide smile, “we just got lucky, I suppose.”

The hands on Ren’s shoulders felt heavy.

…

It continued on like that for a few hours, Ren’s parents flitting from person to person, chatting happily with all of them. Ren was beginning to feel like the smile was just frozen on his face, having been stuck wearing it for so long. Each new person cooed over what a perfect family they were, and each time made Ren feel more and more ill. 

Eventually, he was able to escape when his parents had talked to everyone there at least once. He made an excuse that he was going off to get food and maybe some fresh air before quickly leaving them, knowing that it would be allowed since he wasn’t required to be there to actively play his role anymore. 

Skipping the food and heading straight for the back door, Ren let himself out and closed the door behind him. He looked out over the mansion’s back garden and let himself enjoy the peacefulness of it. He had considered growing some flowers himself, since his family had a garden behind their house as well. Maybe he would someday. 

He wandered further through the garden until he reached the back of it where there was a large area of trees, all meticulously maintained to perfection. He leaned against the base of a large one and took his book out of his pocket, beginning to read. 

Ren loved reading more than almost anything. It let him escape the world he was in and enter one that was completely different, where _anything_ could be possible. 

He wasn’t really sure how much time had passed when he suddenly heard footsteps approaching along with loud, boisterous chatter. Ren squinted at the approaching figures. It seemed to be a group of three boys who all looked to be at least eleven years old. 

Deciding too late that he didn’t want to deal with them, Ren began to move away from his spot at the tree just as the boys noticed him. 

“Hey you!” the one in the middle called, a smug grin on his face. “Why’re you reading out here all alone? Shouldn’t you be sitting somewhere with your _mommy?”_ The two boys on either side of him seemed to find this absolutely _hilarious,_ their laughs echoing through the yard. 

Ren stayed silent, only watching them passively. He knew if he tried to leave they would stop him, and that speaking would only give them more ammo to work with. 

The boy in the middle scowled at his lack of reaction, stomping closer to him. “Why the hell are you ignoring me, brat!?” He grabbed the front of Ren’s shirt and dragged him forward. “You think you’re better than us or something?” When Ren continued to not speak the boy’s frown deepened further. He reached down and quickly snatched Ren’s book out of his hands, holding it over Ren’s head. 

“Hey!” Ren couldn’t stop himself from protesting, trying to snatch his book back. 

The bully smiled viciously and pulled the book just far enough away so that the younger couldn’t reach it. “What a nerd!” he called, much to the amusement of his friends. “What kind of dweeb goes out during a party to _read?”_ A flash of meanness filled his eyes and, before Ren could even try to stop him, he hurled the book at full force up into a nearby tree, far out of Ren’s reach. 

Stepping closer to Ren once more, the bully reached out and roughly shoved Ren over, making him fall backwards. “What’s wrong, _nerd?”_ he asked, his tone mockingly sweet. “Are you going to go crying to your _mommy_ like a little baby?”

Ren’s fists clenched as he glared up at the laughing boys from the ground. He hated this. He was so tired of these people. Of _all_ people. They were selfish and _cruel._ No one truly cared about anyone past how _useful_ that person could be for them. Even his parents used him, selfishly planning his future without asking him and bringing him to this place full of fake people to lie about what a _happy family_ they all were. 

He _hated_ it. He wanted to go home and never have to leave his library again, the only place that was completely safe for him. The only place he felt _happy._

_Humans are awful,_ Ren thought, his eyes dimming as he continued to glare up at the bullies, _I’m so tired of all of this._

_I hate this._

The main bully’s head whipped up then, catching sight of something, just as Ren heard footsteps rapidly approaching from behind him, snapping him out of his darkening thoughts. Before Ren could turn around to see who was behind him, however, there was a fist connecting directly with the bully’s face, a sick _crunching_ sound coming from his nose as he got knocked backwards. 

The other two had their mouths dropped open in shock, looking down at their friend who was on the ground and clutching his nose with tears in his eyes. 

The boy who had come to Ren’s rescue was now standing in front of him, glaring the bullies down with his arms crossed. “Get out of here.” the boy commanded. “Go be mean somewhere else!”

The bully pulled his hand away from his nose, looking at the blood on it. “I think you broke my nose!” he yelled. 

The boy tilted his head up in response and answered boldly, “And if I see you bullying anyone again I’ll make sure to take that uncertainty away from you. Now _leave!”_

The two uninjured boys dragged their friend up, all of them quickly running back towards the building. The boy watched their retreating backs until they were back in the mansion. 

“What _wimps.”_ the boy scoffed, almost to himself. “I didn’t even punch him that hard.”

“Um.” Ren said, unsure what to say to the boy that helped him out. 

Turning around and letting Ren finally get a good look at him, the boy smiled down at him. “Are you okay?” he asked, startlingly _bright_ violet eyes blinked down at him, framed by vibrant strawberry blonde hair that seemed to _glow_ from the lights from the party hitting it from behind. 

“Oh,” Ren began, feeling thrown for a loop, “Um, yes? But my uh…” he looked up at the tree where his book had been thrown. 

Following his line of sight, the boy scowled. “Yeah,” he said, “I saw that. I came back here to practice tree climbing and I saw pretty much the whole thing.” He cracked his knuckles and grinned. “One sec.” And with that he was off, climbing the tree with more ease than Ren knew _he’d_ ever have in his entire life. 

And it did indeed seem to only take the boy a second to climb up to the book before grabbing it and silently jumping down to the ground. He ran back over to Ren and handed him the book, not even a _little_ out of breath. Ren blinked up at the other, eyes wide. 

“Why… did you help me?” Ren finally asked, confused. He absently reached up and fixed his glasses, having been knocked askew when he had been pushed over. 

The boy crossed his arms once more as he declared, “I hate bullies!” He frowned disapprovingly. “They’re the _worst._ You shouldn’t be mean to someone weaker than you. You should be _nice_ to them!” he paused then and glanced back towards the mansion, as though thinking of someone inside it. “At least… I _think_ so…” he mumbled, suddenly seeming strangely unsure of himself when he had been nothing but confident to that point. 

Wanting to help out the strange boy that helped him, Ren decided to change the subject. “So... you got dragged to this party too?” he asked.

The strawberry blonde boy nodded. “My dad does a lot of stuff with investing. A lot of people want to talk to him about it cause he’s really good at it.” He glanced down at the book in Ren’s hand. “So you like poetry then?” 

Ren nodded slowly, afraid the other would suddenly mock him for it like the kids in his school did. 

But the other boy only smiled in reply. “Me too! I like all kinds of books, actually.”

Ren felt something in his chest light up at that, finally meeting someone who had similar interests. “I do too! I read pretty much anything that catches my interest, but poetry might be my favorite so far.” He looked the other over for a moment, studying him.

This boy… he had stepped in and helped Ren out, and he hadn’t wanted _anything_ in return. He only wanted to make sure Ren was okay after. 

_How_ _strange._

The other boy grinned brightly at him, his smile wide enough to show a gap where one of his baby teeth had fallen out. “That’s cool!” He bent forward a little and held his hand out to the boy still on the ground. “Oh, I forgot to introduce myself! I’m Asano Gakushuu, but you can just call me Shuu if you want.” His eyes wrinkled a little at the corners with the force of his smile. “Let’s be friends!”

Eyes wide, Ren stared up at the other in silence for a moment. _A friend?_ , he thought to himself with a touch of wonder. He'd _never_ had a friend before. Then, slowly, with the first honest smile that had been on his face in what felt like _years,_ Ren grinned back up at the other boy. “Sure!" he declared happily. "I’m Sakakibara Ren, but you can just call me Ren. It's nice to meet you!” His smile widened at the delighted look the other got when he accepted his proposal. 

And with that, Ren reached up and took his hand.


	3. Chapter 3

_Age 7:_

A week had passed since he met Gakushuu at that party, and the two had kept in close contact since, texting whenever they were free. It turned out that his new friend actually only lived a few streets away! The other boy’s schedule seemed strangely packed, but eventually they were able to set up a day to hang out. 

Ren stood in front of his door nearly _vibrating_ in place as he waited for the other to arrive. 

He really had a friend! Coming over!!

He bounced in place for a few moments to work off his nervous and excited energy. He didn’t want to _scare_ the other when he finally arrived, after all. 

A few moments later there was a faint knocking at his door. He grabbed the handle and practically _threw_ the door open in his haste to open it. 

“Hi!” He greeted the boy on the other side of the door. 

Gakushuu stood at the entrance, eyes slightly widened as he blinked back at him, hand still poised to knock. “You’re certainly energetic.” he said, looking surprised.

Ren felt his face heat up a little. _Dang it,_ he thought, _I can’t just tell him that I was super excited to see him again! He’ll think I’m so_ lame _if he finds out!_

“O-oh!” Ren said, pushing his glasses up his nose a little, “Yeah I uh, I had some coffee earlier.” He heard that coffee was supposed to make you hyper, so that probably worked as an excuse, right?

Gakushuu blinked at that and tilted his head in thought. “I’ve never had coffee before.” he said absently. “I wonder if I’d enjoy it.”

Ren thought back to the time he had gotten some when his parents made a pot of it, remembering the bitter taste of it. He hadn’t liked it at first, but he found that he seemed to really enjoy it after adding cream and sugar. 

“You should try it.” Ren said, smiling brightly at the other. “I think you’d like it!”

Gakushuu nodded and returned his smile. “I’ll try to remember that, then.” He then cautiously peered around Ren before asking hesitantly, “Um, may I…?”

Ren jolted in place, realizing he had forgotten to invite the other in. “Oh, yeah!” he said as he opened the door wider and stepped out of the way, “Feel free to come in!”

Closing the door once the other was inside, Ren noticed something he hadn’t before. “So,” he began, “what’s in the bag?”

Gakushuu glanced down at the bag in his grasp. “My mom heard I was going over to a friend’s house, so she made brownies for me to bring.”

Ren couldn’t really imagine either of his parents making brownies. They were too busy with other things all the time. “That was nice of her!” 

Shrugging dispassionately, Gakushuu only replied, “I suppose so.”

Ren tilted his head at the other in momentary confusion before shaking it off. It was probably nothing. “I guess we should go put those in the kitchen then. I’ll show you where it is.” With that he turned and led the other to the kitchen and gestured to the counter. “You can just put them down here.”

Gakushuu nodded and set them down, then turned to look at the brunette. “So what should we do now?”

Ren crossed his arms as he thought it over. “We could eat some of the brownies?” he suggested.

“I don’t really want any.” Gakushuu responded with a small shake of his head.

“You don’t?” Ren asked, surprised. Who in their right mind turned down brownies?

“I don’t really like sweets much.” Gakushuu answered. “I like a little bit of something sweet occasionally, but I had a brownie before I left home. I don’t really want any more.”

Ren blinked at him, finding himself oddly shocked. He had always thought that _all_ kids liked sweets. Staring at the other in wonder, Ren found himself once again thinking about how _cool_ his new friend was. 

_He has like..._ adult _taste buds!!!_

What could they do instead, though…? He thought it over for a few moments before an idea occurred to him. That was right! Gakushuu said he also liked books! So then…

“Do you wanna see our library?” Ren asked excitedly. 

Gakushuu’s eyes lit up as he nodded. “Sounds good!”

With a grin, Ren turned and led the other to the library, going back into the living room, climbing the stairs and walking down the hallway before opening the door to the room. Shutting the door behind them, he gestured vaguely to the many shelves in the room. 

“Here it is.” he said as he reached over and pushed a book a bit farther back on the shelf.

Gakushuu’s eyes were wide as he looked the shelves over. “You guys have a lot of books.” he said, still staring. 

Ren tilted his head at him. “Doesn’t your family?”

Wrinkling his nose, Gakushuu shook his head. “Not really,” he said, “most of our books are textbooks, and those don’t count.”

“Why do you have so many textbooks?” Ren asked, curious. 

“My da-“ he paused and frowned for a moment before continuing, "my _father_ is a school principal.”

Ren wanted to ask about that, but he could tell that the other didn’t wish to speak about it anymore. So instead he flashed a grin at him and asked brightly, “So... where do you want to start?”

…

“Hey, Shuu?”

Gakushuu’s head popped out from behind a stack of books. “Yes?” he asked, holding a book on technological advancements throughout the years. 

“Well I was just going to ask,” Ren began almost hesitantly, “Your schedule is _really_ busy. Are your parents okay with you taking the day off to come hang out with me?”

Gakushuu’s mouth pulled down a bit at the corner. “Well, I didn't really have anything planned today anyway, and my father said that it’s important to learn how to speak to people my own age.” He stood up and walked over to sit beside the brunette, taking the book with him. 

“Oh, um…” Ren said, glancing unsurely off to the side, “I don’t... think I’m a good example of a normal kid? I’m not really good at talking to anyone my age either.”

Gakushuu waved that off. “Eh, you count, don’t worry.” He frowned then, his voice lowering a bit as he continued, “He also said that a Sakakibara would make a good connection to have one day, as long as I help you become strong.” His brows furrowed and he crossed his arms in a decidedly stubborn manner as he declared fiercely, “But that’s so _dumb!_ You don’t need to be strong! I think you’re fine _just_ the way you are.”

Ren felt something in his chest light up at the other’s confident high opinion of him. “I think you’re great the way you are too!” he said, a bright smile on his face. He couldn’t believe it! His new friend liked him the way he was!!

How cool!!!

Gakushuu’s lips quirked up at that. “Thanks!” he responded happily before his smile dimmed once more and he looked off to the side, a shadow falling over his eyes. “I’m glad that _you_ think that, at least.” he muttered almost silently.

With a worried glance at the other, Ren asked carefully, “Does… does someone _not?”_

Gakushuu was quiet for a few moments. He stared down at the book in his grasp before he slowly turned to look at the other. “You have to _promise_ not to tell anyone what I tell you, okay?”

Ren nodded seriously. “I promise!” 

Fidgeting with his hands, Gakushuu paused before saying quietly, “My… my father is very... _strict_. He demands that I do better than everyone else at everything all the time.” He frowned. “I keep trying to make him happy but I don’t think it’s working yet.” He wrapped his arms around his knees and pulled them closer to his chest. “He wasn’t always like this. I think I remember him being _really_ nice actually! But… I think something happened. Something bad.” He rested his chin on his knees and continued sadly, “He hasn’t smiled in a while. I don’t even know if he can anymore.”

Frowning, Ren placed a hand on the other boy’s shoulder. That didn’t sound good at _all._ But what was Ren supposed to do here? He couldn’t figure out how to help. All he knew was that he didn’t want his friend to be sad anymore. 

How could he cheer him up, though?

“Oh,” Gakushuu said, glancing up at Ren, “that reminds me. I meant to ask earlier, but where are your mom and dad? And…” he paused and looked back down as he asked quietly, “what are they like?”

Ren bit his lip as he quickly thought it over. What was he supposed to say? That he never knew _where_ his parents were past the fact that they were gone on business for most of the year? And that all they _did_ do for the short time they were home was _fight?_

_No,_ he decided resolutely, _he’s got enough to worry about already without me adding my own problems onto it. I can handle it alone, just like I always have._

_I’ll be fine._

With a smile, Ren answered cheerfully, “Oh, they’re fine. They’re off on business for a few days, but I think they’ll be home at some point soon.” He laughed lightly as he added, “I need to introduce you to them at some point, actually. They’d adore you, honestly.”

Gakushuu smiled a little at that, his mood visibly improving a bit at the praise. “I’m sure they’re lovely people.” he responded graciously. 

Ren grinned and moved a few nearby stacks of books closer to them, forming something not unlike a barrier of sorts, protecting them from the rest of the world.

Situating himself comfortably once more, Ren smiled softly over at the other. “I meant what I said, you know?” Placing his hand on the strawberry blonde’s shoulder once more, he continued, “Even if your dad can’t see it right now, I think you’re great just the way you are, Shuu.”

Gakushuu’s face reddened a bit at the praise. “Thank you. And, um, I have... a slight confession.” he said, looking strangely shy. “I’ve… never actually had a friend before. I... apologize in advance if I’m not very good at it.”

Ren was _shocked._ He hadn’t had a friend before?? But… but he was so _cool!_

“How come you haven’t had a friend before?” Ren asked, more blunt than he meant to be in his surprise. 

Gakushuu shifted his weight a little and stared down at his hands. “I think I scare people. I’m really good at stuff and they don’t like it. I think I…” he paused and scrunched his nose, trying to recall the word, “I think I _intimidate_ people.”

“Well, they’re missing out, then.” Ren said, his brows slightly furrowed. He found that he was offended on his friend’s behalf. How could anyone meet him and _not_ want to spend more time with him?? That just didn't make any sense.

Glancing over at Gakushuu, he continued almost shyly, “I’m the same, by the way.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “You’re _my_ first friend too.”

Surprised violet eyes peered up at him before softening with a pleased smile. “I’m glad I met you, Ren.” he said. “You’re the first kid my age I’ve met who isn’t afraid of me. And you’re really nice too!”

Ren beamed happily at that, practically _glowing_ at the praise. "Thanks, Shuu."

They spent the rest of the day there, enjoying silence of the library and the comfort of each other’s presences as they poured over every book they got their hands on. 

Ren realized with a small start that this day was probably the _happiest_ he had been in years. He couldn’t remember a time in his life before this where he had smiled this much.

_I’m glad I met him,_ he thought as he passed the other a book he asked for, a small grin on his face. 

_I hope we stay friends for a long time._


	4. Chapter 4

_Age 8:_

Gakushuu had always hated the sight of anyone or any _thing_ in pain. 

He just couldn’t stand it.

Invariably, he found himself wanting to help anything that might need it, unable to ignore a cry for help. Silent or not.

So when he found a little injured bird in his backyard, his first instinct was to help it. He approached it slowly, careful not to startle it, and noticed that its wing was bent at a slightly wrong angle. 

“Oh, you hurt your wing?” he asked softly. “You poor thing. How long have you been down here?” He glanced around and mumbled more to himself than the bird, “Birds need to be able to fly to get their food and to escape from predators.” he said, quoting what he heard in the documentary he watched a few days prior. 

The bird looked like it was too weak to even hop around, so he figured it must have been there for a while. 

Eyes widening as an idea struck him, Gakushuu whispered happily, “Wait! I think I can help you!” With that he slowly began to crawl away from the bird so he wouldn’t scare it before jumping up and sprinting across his yard and into the house.

Bolting up and into his room, he rummaged through his closet until he found what he was looking for. Triumphantly pulling out an old shoe box, he grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk and began to poke holes into the lid. 

Putting the scissors down when he was satisfied, he went over to the corner of his room and picked up some discarded scraps of fabric he had left there when he was practicing basic sewing techniques. He carefully arranged them into the box, forming a small nest of sorts for the bird to fit into. 

When he was sure there was enough cushioning in it, he grabbed the box and made his way back downstairs and into the kitchen. He set the box on the counter and dug through the drawers until he found two oven mitts. He took them and put them on top of the box. 

Gakushuu excitedly ran back outside, slowing down once more when he approached the bird. He knelt down and set the opened box on the ground. Then, after putting on the oven mitts, he gently lifted the bird into his hands. 

“Sorry, I have to use oven mitts to hold you.” he said quietly, slowly transferring the small bird to the box. “Wild animals can hold diseases, and it’s safer to not touch them with your bare hands.” he recited dutifully. Then, looking down at it, he continued hesitantly, “Also, I’m a little afraid of you trying to peck me. It’d hurt, plus I might have dropped you!” He didn’t really know _why_ he was lecturing the bird, but he found that it was fun to talk to. 

He smiled down at the little bird, now snug in its little nest of fabric. It looked more comfortable already!

He paused then, staring down at the bird. _So…,_ he thought, suddenly feeling unsure of himself, _now what do I do?_

“The only way to _really_ help you is to bring you to a vet or something, but…” he furrowed his brows as he thought it over. “But that means I need to... bring you to my father first.” He nervously bit his lip, glancing back towards his house. “I think he’ll let me help you? Maybe?”

“He used to have a school in the middle of the woods, so he must like animals even a _little_ , right?” He frowned before slowly walking towards the house with the box in hand, his steps and thoughts equally hesitant and hopeful.

“Maybe this will go well?”

…

“No.”

Gakushuu’s eyes widened at the blunt denial. “But-!”

“No buts.” His father cut him off sharply. “This is a waste of time and I won’t let it continue.” Not looking up from the paperwork he was signing at his desk, the man continued, “If the bird was weak enough to become this injured then it's better to let nature take its course.”

Gakushuu’s hands tightened around the box, feeling his frustration grow. Why? Why was his father so _mean?_

What was so _wrong_ about helping something that needed it?

The man looked up then, his cold gaze piercing and harsh. “You’re still here?” he asked callously. “Go put that back where you found it outside, then get back to your soccer training.” 

He steepled his fingers in front of him and stared down at Gakushuu, no emotion to be seen on the man’s face beyond a distant apathy. “You have twenty minutes left of your practice before it’ll be time for you to come inside to study, so I suggest you hurry.” 

With that, the man’s attention was once again on the papers in front of him, giving no more thought to the child before him. 

Gakushuu turned and left his father’s study, gripping the box as tightly in his grasp as he could without ripping it or hurting the bird. Blindly, Gakushuu made his way back outside and gently set the box down before sniffling and wiping angrily at the tears obscuring his eyes. 

It wasn’t _fair._ He just wanted to help the bird! Why…

Why wouldn’t his father just _let him?_

“He said you’re weak because you got a broken wing,” Gakushuu muttered down to the little bird, “what does he think _hospitals_ are for? If I broke my leg and needed to go to the hospital, would he just give up on me or something?”

He frowned then and decided not to think about that for too long, not entirely sure he wanted to know the answer. 

“I’m supposed to just leave you to die.” he mumbled quietly, sitting beside the box on the ground. “I can’t take you to a vet by myself, and there aren’t any close by.”

He looked over at the little bird and carefully pet the top of its head, careful to keep his touch gentle. “You’re a very pretty bird.” he complimented, taking in the interesting shades of blue in its wings. “I really don’t want you to die. I’m sure you’re a very nice bird.”

He frowned and rubbed the tears out of his eyes with his free hand while he continued to gently pet the bird with the other. “I shouldn’t be getting so attached to you. Father would say that it’s foolishness, but…” he scowled darkly and crossed his arms. “But he’s a meanie and I don’t care what he thinks!”

Exhaling sharply, he looked down at the bird, trying to figure out what he could do for it. He refused to just leave it to _die_. But…

“I don’t know how to help you.” he admitted quietly. He stared at the bird in silence for a moment before a thought struck him, eyes widening in excitement. _“I_ might not be able to…”

“But I think I might know someone who _can.”_

—

Ren stood carefully on a chair, stirring the pot boiling on the stove, when he heard what was almost _frantic_ knocking at his front door. He quickly turned the heat down and climbed down from the chair, turning and making his way to the front door. He quickly peered through the peephole and almost gasped at who it was. 

Stepping back and quickly throwing the door open, Ren greeted the other with a startled, _“Shuu!?”,_ shocked at the other’s arrival. 

Before this his friend had always made it a point to text him before coming over, giving Ren time to get ready. This time, however, Shuu was standing on his front porch, out of breath and sweating. 

Did he…

Did he _run_ the whole way here??

Ren was _flabbergasted_ , honestly. _What_ was going on here? And… why exactly was he holding a shoebox?

Finally regaining his breath enough to speak, Gakushuu grinned tiredly at the brunette. “Hi Ren! Sorry, but I can’t stay for very long, I’m _-pant-_ not supposed to be here at all, actually!”

Ren blinked, feeling possibly even _more_ confused. “Um…” he said, unsure of what else to say. 

“I found a bird but it’s hurt.” Gakushuu quickly explained, holding out the box for Ren to grab, which the other did without thinking. “My father won’t let me help it or bring it to the vet, so I brought it here so you could maybe ask your parents to bring it to the vet instead.”

“Oh,” Ren said uncertainly, delicately holding the box, “well I’m glad to help, but-”

“I have to go back now!” Gakushuu exclaimed hurriedly, unknowingly talking over the other. “He’ll realize I left if I don’t get back soon! Bye, Ren! Thanks!” With a slightly panicked wave, the boy was gone, running back across Ren’s lawn and hopping a fence as a shortcut back to his house. 

Ren frowned lightly down at the box when the other was out of sight and glanced back inside. “But… my parents aren’t home.” he finished uselessly into the echoing silence of his house. With a sigh, he closed the door and brought the box inside. He carefully set it on the coffee table and opened the lid to examine the bird. 

“Oh, your wing looks broken.” His lips pulled downwards as he continued to look the bird over. “That can’t feel good. But… how am I supposed to help you?” Ren wrung his hands, his green eyes flashing with worry. “I don’t have a car, but I don’t want to let Shuu down either.”

He wanted to be able to greet Shuu at school the next day with good news, after all! 

(He found now that he was almost regretting his decision to ask his parents to transfer him into Shuu’s elementary school. At least if they were still in separate schools it would give Ren more time to think of something to do before he saw Shuu again.)

Okay, he just needed to think about this calmly. He walked into the kitchen and turned the burner off, covering the boiling pot so he could get back to it later. 

He currently had an injured bird and no transportation. Not a great start.

He needed to get the bird to a vet. So the first step was to figure out which vet was closest to his house. 

Alright, he could do that. 

Quickly making his way up the stairs, he ran towards the computer and turned it on. One quick search later and he had his answer. The nearest vet was at least an hour’s walk away. He checked their hours to make sure they were still open and, thankfully, they were. 

The question now was, did he care enough to put this much energy into saving this bird? His mind was quickly filled with images of the little injured bird and the look on his friend’s face when he asked him for his help. 

With a sigh, Ren copied the name of the place and the directions on how to get there into his phone. He was lucky that he was able to memorize nearly everything he read, meaning it was unlikely for him to get lost after committing the directions to memory. But having a backup never hurt.

After putting socks and shoes on, Ren grabbed some money and put it in his pocket, not sure how much getting a bird looked at would cost anyway. 

Going back downstairs, a determined glint filled Ren’s eyes as he made his way to the box. He carefully pet the comfortable looking bird for a moment before gently placing the lid back on. Picking the box up, he grabbed his house key and shoved it in his pocket before going out the door, carefully cradling the box in his arms so he wouldn’t jostle the bird inside.

_Okay,_ he thought, regretting everything but determined to help nonetheless, _it’s just a really long walk. I’ll be fine._

_I can handle it._

…

It turned out that he could not, in fact, handle it. 

He was now close to arriving at the vet’s, and his feet were _stabbing_ with pain. He was pretty sure this was the farthest he’d ever walked in his _life._ He wasn’t going to stop, though. He was almost there!

After a few more minutes of walking, he practically _stumbled_ into the vet’s waiting room, startling the receptionist. 

“Hello!” Ren said politely, completely out of breath as he sat down in one of the nearby chairs. 

The receptionist blinked wide eyes down at him, clearly caught off guard. “Um,” she said carefully, looking down at the obviously exhausted child, “how… may I help you today?” 

After taking a few moments to enjoy the feeling of the air conditioning while he caught his breath enough to reply, he gestured to the box and said, “My friend found a bird with a hurt wing and asked me to help, so I brought it here. Can you guys help it?”

“Oh!” the receptionist said, glancing down at the box. “Well, we can certainly try!” she said with a smile. Then, turning to look back where the vet’s office was, she said almost to herself, “Actually, I don’t think we have any patients right now, so I can probably just…” With that, she got up and walked into the vet’s office, shutting the door behind her. 

Ren exhaled and just let himself relax into the chair for a few minutes while he was alone. He should have brought a water bottle with him, but it didn’t occur to him until it was too late. 

Oh well. 

A few moments later, a woman came out of the office, her hair up in a bun with a kind smile on her face. “So,” she began, “I heard you have a bird with a wing that needs to be looked at?”

Ren nodded seriously and held the box up for her to take. “It’s a wild bird though, so I don’t know if it’ll peck you or not. I was petting it earlier and it _seemed_ fine with it, but…” he shrugged. 

The woman smiled more gently at that. “Well thank you for the warning.” She gestured towards her office and said, “If you’ll come with me, we can take a look at that bird and see what we can do for it.”

Ren nodded, happy that he was able to get the bird to some proper help. He stood and followed her into the room, where he quietly sat in the chair for visitors while she looked the bird over on the long metal table. 

After a while of her carefully examining the bird, she turned to Ren with a smile. “So it seems like a pretty clean break in the wing. That means it’ll be much easier to heal.”

Ren let out a small sigh of relief. That was good. He was afraid of coming all the way over here and being told that there was nothing they could do. “So how much do I owe you?” he asked curiously. 

“Oh,” the woman said, waving her hand nonchalantly, “you don’t owe us anything actually. Our clinic actually runs a program where we find and rehabilitate injured wild birds.” She gently pet the top of the bird’s head. “So this little guy is in good hands here, no worries.”

Smiling up at the woman, Ren replied tiredly, “I’m glad, then.”

The woman led him back to the waiting room after assuring him that they’d be feeding the bird soon and that they’d be doing a more thorough checkup of its health soon. 

“I have to ask, though,” the woman began, “how far did you walk to get here? You looked really exhausted when I first saw you.”

Ren shrugged. “I walked maybe an hour or so I guess?”

She paused and looked at him, her brows furrowed. “You walked for an _hour_ in this heat? By _yourself?”_ She frowned down at him, “Where are your parents?”

Subtly edging back towards the door, Ren answered hesitantly, “They’re just not home at the moment, is all.”

The woman put her hands on her hips. “You’re what? Nine at the oldest?” Ren very carefully did not correct her. “That’s much too young be left alone, sweetie. I think I’m going to ask you to stay here while I call- _Hey!”_ she yelled, but was too late to stop Ren from bolting out the door at top speeds. 

_“Thanks for your help with the bird! Bye!”_ he yelled as he ran, ignoring the pain in his already injured feet. 

Thankfully, it didn’t take him long at all to lose her. He might not exercise much, but he was _fast_ when he needed to be. 

_I can never go back to that vet’s office now,_ he thought to himself with an almost frantic sort of humor. Giggling to himself as he ran home, he vowed to drink as much water as he possibly could when he got back. 

This had been an... _interesting_ day, for sure. 

—

“So,” Gakushuu asked the next day before even saying hello, “did you bring the bird to a vet?” His voice was nearly anxious as he looked over at the other, clearly invested. 

Ren’s mouth quirked up at that. “Yeah,” he said, “the place I brought it to helps rehabilitate birds all the time before putting them back in the wild. They said that it’d be easy to heal, no problem.”

Gakushuu let out a long sigh of relief, the tension dropping out of his shoulders. “I’m glad to hear that.” he said. “I couldn’t just leave it to _die,_ so I’m happy that it’s getting help.”

He smiled brightly at Ren then, practically _radiating_ sunshine as he exclaimed happily, “Thanks, Ren! You’re the best!”

And to Ren, that smile alone made it _more_ than worth the awful trip there and back. “I’m glad I could help.” he responded, adjusting his book bag straps on his shoulders, feeling a bit of heat burn in his face at the praise. 

Gakushuu blushed a little and rubbed at the back of his neck, looking a little shy suddenly, “And um,” he said, glancing away from the other, “thanks for helping me. I know it was a lot to ask and I’m... sorry if it was a bother.”

Ren paused for a moment before smiling warmly at the other. “Oh, don’t worry.” he said, gently nudging the other as they began to walk to class. He smiled perfectly despite the searing pain of the many blisters now dotting his feet, simply happy to have made his friend happy. 

“It wasn’t any trouble at all, Shuu.”


	5. Chapter 5

_Age 9:_

_I need your help with something._

That had been the request from Gakushuu the day before at school that led them to where they were now.

Papers were strewn about Ren’s kitchen table after their bout of practicing origami, and from Gakushuu doing his best to master basic art techniques. There was a pile of baseballs stacked in the corner for Gakushuu to use later for target practice. 

The _biggest_ mess, however, was scattered about the kitchen’s counters. It seemed like there wasn’t a single surface that wasn’t dusted with a liberal amount of flour, cake batter, or… Ren squinted at the mess in front of him, _whatever_ that gray stuff was. 

To think, all of this had started because Gakushuu wanted to use Ren’s house to practice skills he hadn’t mastered yet, just so that his father wouldn’t see him making mistakes. Gakushuu had insisted that he needed to perfect as many skills as he could, his father being (in Ren’s opinion at least) _way_ too strict about making mistakes.

Ren tried to soothe his friend’s worries that he wasn’t good enough by telling him that _surely_ there must have been a point when even his _dad_ had to practice to get good at stuff too, but the other didn’t look very convinced. He said that his dad was amazing at _everything,_ and that there was no way he ever struggled to learn something. 

But honestly, that was really how Ren felt about Gakushuu! Despite the fact that he was practicing all of these things, he was picking up and improving on them _much_ faster than Ren could ever hope to. Ren let the subject drop, though. Maybe he was right. Besides, Ren had noticed that the longer his friend talked about his dad, the more unhappy he looked. 

Gakushuu was staring down balefully at the multiple bubbling pots he was trying to deal with at once, having ignored Ren’s suggestion to just try cooking one thing at a time. He insisted that he needed to get better at multitasking too. Ren guessed that that made sense, but it still seemed like a bad call.

Currently the other had: one cake in the oven along with a pan of brownies, some pasta cooking on the stove, a separate pan cooking the sauce, a pot of boiling rice, and some chicken cooking in another pan. 

The cake batter had looked a bit lumpy, but edible, the brownies looked fine but Ren was pretty sure the other had put too much salt in. Both the pasta and the sauce seemed fine, but it looked like the chicken was burning on one side. And the rice…

Dark smoke began to waft from the pot on the stove, causing Gakushuu to open the lid to check on it. 

Seeing the annoyed look on his friend’s face, Ren peered over his shoulder to see what the situation was. 

There in the pot was a slimy but completely blackened version of what _used_ to be rice. The pot sizzled threateningly as it continued to smoke, the smell of char rising from it.

Gakushuu scowled down at it. “I must have done something wrong…” he muttered to himself. 

_Yeah,_ Ren thought to himself as he raised his eyebrow at the other from behind him, _I’ll say. You somehow managed to cook_ charcoal _. It’s… almost impressive, really. I’ve never seen that happen before._

Aloud and with a comforting smile, he reassured the other, “It’s not that bad, Shuu! You’re still doing better than I did when I was first learning to cook!” He wasn’t really, but he _was_ learning from his mistakes faster. Besides, Ren just wanted his friend to cheer up. 

Hopefully everything else would turn out okay. 

Suddenly, however, the pot with the rice began to sizzle even louder before promptly _bursting into flames._

Gakushuu quickly removed it from the stove and set it down on the counter, not knowing what else to do as he backed away from it, wide-eyed. 

Ren, having worried about a scenario like this earlier, already had the fire extinguisher out. He aimed the nozzle at the flaming rice and squeezed the handle, spraying the fire until it was out. Squeezing it one last time to be sure, he set the extinguisher down and slowly approached the pot, followed closely by Gakushuu. 

Eye twitching, Gakushuu stubbornly declared, _“I’m going to try again.”_ He stomped back over to the stove and climbed up the small stepping stool they used to reach the top of it, angrily stirring the chicken. 

_Whose house is this again?_ Ren thought dryly to himself, exasperated and amused with his determined friend. 

“Sure thing, Shuu.” he said, grabbing a new bag of rice with a fond smile, though the other couldn’t see it. He made a mental note to order more food to be sent to his house, especially since this was his last bag of rice.

Plopping the bag of rice onto the counter, Ren leaned against the wall and looked at his friend, concentration showing blatantly on the other’s face. He had noticed that the other had become more determined over time, his focus on improving his skills and knowledge becoming more and more intense. 

Ren could only hope that his friend would remember to relax once in a while. He heard once from his parents that you can get sick from getting too stressed. 

Maybe he could try to help the other wind down soon?

“Ren could you check on the cake?”

Snapping out of his train of thought, Ren grabbed the pot holders and chirped back a cheerful, “Sure!”, as he moved forward to do just that. 

He supposed that all they could do was to just take things one step at a time for now.

That would have to be enough.

—

It was a few hours later and most of the mess in the kitchen had been dealt with, only some left that they were planning to clean up when they went inside. 

Ren sat on one of the lounge chairs outside with a book in his hand while Gakushuu was practicing his throwing accuracy by hurling baseballs at metal bottles stacked in the distance. He would then go over and move the stack back each time he knocked them all down, switching what arm he was using with each throw. Ren was personally exhausted just _watching_ him, honestly. Though, he _did_ promise to help the other later by catching his throws with the baseball glove so he could improve his pitching skill. And judging by the speed and force the bottles were being knocked over, Ren found himself preparing to be dealing with an aching wrist for a solid few days. 

_BANG_

Wincing as one of the bottles was hit so hard that it flew back and collided sharply with a tree, Ren mentally moved that count up to a few _weeks._

Well, if it helped Gakushuu, he supposed he didn’t really mind. 

He furrowed his eyebrows in worry, however, when he saw the other basically collapse to the ground, panting as he landed on his knees. 

Setting his book on the chair and getting up, Ren quickly moved off to the side where Gakushuu had set his water bottle down and grabbed it, bringing it over to him. He knelt down in front of the other and held it out as he asked quietly, “Are you alright, Shuu?”

Taking the water bottle with a slightly shaking hand, Gakushuu responded with an exhausted look on his face, “Yeah, I’m fine.” He tried to smile reassuringly at the brunette, but it fell a bit short, not reaching his eyes. He took a long drink of water, gulping it down as though he hadn’t had any water in years. 

Ren frowned, feeling his worry growing. “You’ve been at this for a few hours now, Shuu. I think you need to take a break for a while.”

Stubbornly shaking his head, Gakushuu responded, “I can’t stop now. If I stop, I’ll never improve.” He panted, slowly standing up once more. “I _need_ to become better.”

Standing up himself, Ren reached out and put his hand on the other’s shoulder trying to get him to listen. “C’mon, Shuu. Just a _little_ break? You really-”

_“No,_ Ren!” Gakushuu loudly interrupted him, causing Ren to flinch as he knocked his hand off his shoulder. “I _need_ to do this!” He paused and frowned then, looking away and avoiding Ren’s gaze. “Just… just leave me alone. I have to prove to him that I’m good enough. I _have_ to.”

Ren took a step back, a hurt look in his eyes. He couldn’t bring himself to be upset with the other, however. Even when the strawberry blonde had yelled at him, it didn’t seem like he was angry with Ren at all.

He really just looked angry at himself. 

So Ren nodded slowly, though he knew the other couldn’t see it, and quietly said, “Alright, no problem, Shuu.” 

Taking another step back, Ren slowly lowered his still outstretched hand. Then, idea occurring to him, he found himself staring down at it instead, mind whirring. He silently began walking back to his chair as he thought his plan over.

Was it worth it?

He subtly glanced back over to his friend who had once again begun to throw baseballs, his face dripping with sweat, the heat of the day clearly getting to him. If Ren didn’t find a way to get him to take a break, he got the feeling that his friend might _actually_ pass out. 

Mind made up, Ren sat and read for a few more minutes to avoid suspicion before casually standing up and moving as though he was heading back into the house. As he walked, he mentally called up the memory of the time he watched the video of how to fall down safely so that you wouldn’t injure yourself, then he let his foot catch the ground at _just_ the right angle to trip him. 

Doing the opposite of what the video instructed, he swiftly positioned his left hand in such a way that his wrist would take the full impact, and-

_“Agh!”_ Ren yelped loudly, now on his knees as he clutched his newly-injured wrist. 

Gakushuu’s throw went wildly off course, baseball soaring across the opposite side of the yard as he spun around. “Ren!” he called as he ran over. “Are you okay!?”

Ren hissed at the pain. “Yeah, I’m fine.” he said. “I just landed badly. My wrist _really_ hurts.”

Gakushuu knelt down, carefully cradling the brunette’s wrist in his hands as he checked it over, happy that he began learning basic first-aid the year before. After pressing gently in a few areas, he sighed and looked up at the other. 

“It doesn’t seem to be broken.” he said, still gently holding it. “But it’s definitely going to need ice.” Letting go of the other’s injured wrist, he grabbed his unhurt hand and led him into the house, immediately going to the freezer to get ice.

Ren nodded, wincing as he felt another stab of pain come through. “Good idea.” He sat on one of the chairs at the counter and watched as his friend prepared an ice pack for him. “Sorry about this.” he said sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his neck.

Gakushuu shook his head. “It’s no problem.” he said, bringing the ice pack over and gently placing it on his wrist. “Now remember not to keep it on for too long at a time. It’s unsafe to keep anything icy on yourself for too long.”

Nodding obediently, Ren responded, “Yeah, I heard about that. I’ll be careful with it, no worries!”

Gakushuu sighed tiredly, visibly relaxing in the cool air conditioning of the house. He collapsed into the chair next to Ren, closing his eyes for a moment as he did his best to catch his breath. “I’ll need to check on the swelling of your wrist in a few minutes.” Gakushuu informed him as he slowly opened his eyes, blinking tiredly. 

Ren smiled warmly at the other. “You’re so good at this Shuu!” he declared. “I would have been super lost if I was home alone when it happened, honestly.”

Smiling vaguely at the praise, Gakushuu replied mildly, “I’m sure you would have been fine on your own.”

Beaming happily at the other, Ren’s good mood was interrupted by another sharp stab of pain. 

Alarmed by the other’s shift in expression, Gakushuu quickly asked, “You okay?”

Ren nodded. “Yeah, just shifted my arm a bit in a bad direction. I’m fine.”

Gakushuu frowned at that, his worry building. “I’ll stay with you until the pain starts to fade more, okay?”

Feeling his face heat up a bit at the worried attention from the other, Ren could only mumble out, “Thanks, Shuu.” Internally jumping for joy at his plan working so well. 

Gakushuu only smiled comfortingly in response, reaching out to adjust the position of the ice pack a bit.

Strangely, it took a couple of hours for Ren’s wrist to feel alright enough to go back outside.

How odd.


	6. Chapter 6

_Age 10:_

Ren sat on one of the lawn chairs in his backyard as he watched Gakushuu kick the soccer ball from one end of it to the other. He had wanted to come over to test how far he could kick the ball, since Ren’s backyard was bigger than his own.

It had required Ren to move the potted flowers he kept in the backyard onto his balcony so they wouldn’t be in the other’s way. He found, though, that he actually liked the way they looked on his balcony more. The sprawling vines against the pale marble reminded him of something out of a romance novel.

He might just decide to leave them there, actually.

Shaking himself from his distracted train of thought, he went back to doing what had been asked of him today. Staring down at the large packet of questions in front of him, he called out, “The process which involves both a source and a sink-”

“Thermodynamic equilibrium!” Gakushuu called back, cutting him off as he began to bounce the ball on the top of his head. 

Ren nodded at the once again correct answer. He was impressed, but not surprised. The closest Gakushuu seemed to come to making a mistake on a question was when he needed to pause for a few seconds to think about the answer. 

Which, personally, Ren didn’t see as any sort of mistake, but _Gakushuu_ sure seemed to. Every time he needed to think for a moment before answering a question, he asked Ren to make a note to quiz him again on it later. 

Ren continued his quiz on for a while longer, switching subjects at random to make it a bit more challenging for the other. When he continued not to make any mistakes, Ren proceeded to mix in questions about other things that Gakushuu had asked to be quizzed on. 

After a few minutes of questions about technology and software development, Ren looked up at his friend, who had moved closer since he was just practicing bouncing the ball from his knees to the top of his head, and asked curiously, “Do you think an AI that was advanced enough could learn to feel love the way humans do?”

Gakushuu tilted his head as he thought the question over. “Well,” he said as he bounced the soccer ball off his chest so he could kick it up with his knee, “the human brain is really just powered by a bunch of electrical impulses firing off. So I suppose it wouldn’t be impossible as long as the robot was engineered properly and had the capacity for it.” He kicked the ball up off the side of his foot to the top of his head where he began to bounce it in place again. “After all,” he said quietly, almost to himself, something soft and nearly _bitter_ in his tone, “what are humans if not robots made of flesh? They’re created and then controlled by those who hold more power than them, dancing to the tune their owners command.”

And Ren, who had always viewed the world through a lens of metaphors and poetic possibilities, saw a poem begin to write itself out in his mind. One of a mechanical boy with a wind-up gear on his back, wound up too much and too often by the uncaring hand of his creator, forced to move and act well past the point of wear on its parts. Looking at his friend, he could almost _see_ the metal gear behind him, and where the metal joints would be on his arms and legs. 

(Ren personally thought that if he himself was a wind-up toy, he’d be the sort that got left on the shelf, forgotten to gather dust until its owners remembered it existed again.

…He decided he didn’t want to think about that anymore.)

The comparisons came to a halt however, when he had to pause to analyse a question. “Do you think mechanical wind-up toys count as robots?” he asked distantly, lost in thought.

Pausing in his bouncing of the ball, Gakushuu turned to look over at his friend, confused at the question. “What? _Ow!”_ he yelped as the ball came back down, hitting him on the top of the head. Wincing as he rubbed his head from the sting of the unexpected hit, Gakushuu frowned over at Ren. “Ren, focus! You keep getting distracted too easily and I need you to concentrate on quizzing me or I’ll _never_ improve.”

Ren blushed at the scolding, embarrassed at being caught losing his focus again. “Sorry, Shuu.” he said, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. Gakushuu had become noticeably more stern over time, his drive to become better growing more with every day that passed. But Ren noticed that he seemed _particularly_ tense today, even more so than usual. He hadn’t smiled much at all the whole time he had been over, and there was something in his eyes that looked… _different._

He wondered if something happened. 

Deciding to throw caution to the wind out of pure concern and curiosity, Ren looked up from the packet and asked softly, “Hey Shuu? Did… something happen? You seem a little, uh,” he thought for a few seconds trying to think of a word that fit but wouldn’t insult his friend, “tense?”

Gakushuu caught the ball with his hands and stared down at it for a minute, clearly thinking deeply about something. When he finally looked over at Ren his eyes held a seriousness that Ren had only seen glimpses of until that point. “I’ll tell you, but you can’t tell _anyone,_ okay?”

Ren glanced to the side as his smile tightened. “Trust me Shuu,” he said a bit wryly, “I can keep a secret.”

Sitting down next to him on the grass beside the chair, Gakushuu began quietly, “Last week I was… in the hospital.”

Ren nearly dropped the packet in his grasp. “You were _what!?”_

Gakushuu scowled. “I was hospitalized from a heatstroke.” When he saw the look forming on Ren’s face, his scowl deepened further. “It wasn’t my fault. My father is responsible for it, actually.”

“What… what did he do?” Ren asked, almost afraid to find out. 

Gakushuu sighed as he leaned back, propping himself up on his arms. “A little bit before last week I was really tired from all of the extra sports I’m in, so I didn’t study and fell asleep instead. There was a pop quiz the day after on the stuff I was supposed to study and I ended up getting a C on it.”

Ren winced, knowing that with the other’s dad being the way he was, the rest of the story couldn’t be pretty. 

“So,” Gakushuu continued bitterly, “my father called me outside for ‘strength training’.” He made finger quotes around the term as he said it, obviously not believing it. “But really, I could tell that it was punishment for getting a C. He made me run laps for _hours_ outside when the sun was at its hottest and he didn’t let me stop.” 

He stared at the ground angrily as he continued, “I don’t know how long I ran, I just know that it felt like I was on _fire._ My lungs and feet both hurt more than I thought they could, and… then suddenly I couldn’t feel anything at all.” His lips tightened as he did his best not to look as hurt as he clearly felt. “When I woke up, I was in the hospital. My father… wasn’t there. He just sent the driver to pick me up when I was released.”

Staring at his friend, Ren felt something dark and _cold_ grow and coil in his stomach. Something seething and angry.

Ren had never hated someone before. He hadn’t ever really seen a need to, after all. But now, looking at his best friend who had been hurt over and _over_ by his uncaring and cruel father, causing him to slowly lose the smile that had brought so much _light_ into Ren’s previously dark world…

Well, Ren thinks that there’s exactly _one_ person worthy of his hatred. 

Thankfully, Gakushuu didn’t see the dark look that flashed across his friend’s eyes as he continued, “He doesn’t care about me. I think he hasn’t cared about me for a long time, actually. I had hoped that maybe…” he shook his head then, expression hardening. “Well, it doesn’t matter. He only sees me as a student now. He made that perfectly clear. So I… when I got home from the hospital, he said something to me about working harder in the future and I addressed him as ‘principal’ since that’s all he is to me.” Gakushuu’s fists clenched in his lap as he continued scornfully, “I thought for a second that he looked... almost _regretful_ , but…” he shook his head. “I must have imagined it. He was ordering me off to go do my homework right after.” 

Ren watched sadly as his friend’s composure began to show small cracks, the aching _hurt_ bleeding through the anger he was showing as he said haltingly, “He… he didn’t even ask if I was okay… I…”

Leaning forward, Ren put his hand on the other’s shoulder, not wanting to overwhelm him with a hug. “I’m sorry, Shuu.” he said, not knowing what else to say. 

Wiping angrily at his eyes, Gakushuu replied, “I’m fine. I can handle it.” He glared angrily at the ground, his earlier moment of weakness buried under his anger once more. “He wants me to take him down one day, you know? He says it’s the only way for the student to truly surpass the teacher.”

Ren already knew his friend’s father was crazy, but he mentally added onto the tally at that because… what? What the heck? _What??_

“So if that’s how he wants it to be, then _fine.”_ Gakushuu said, clenching his fists even tighter. “I’m going to destroy him from the inside out. I won’t leave anything behind. I’m going to beat him at his own game and he’s going to _regret ever challenging me.”_

And for the first time, Ren saw _steel_ enter his friend’s gaze, a cold violet replacing the normally _bright_ eyes.

“Well,” Ren said after a few moments of tense silence, “if anyone can do it, it’s you.” He smiled at his friend, hoping to offer some kind of emotional assistance as he said, “If you ever need my help with anything, you can just ask. I’m not strong or talented like you, but two heads are better than one and I’ll help with anything you might need, Shuu.”

Lips twitching up a little at the display of both confidence and loyalty from his friend, Gakushuu responded quietly, “Thanks, Ren. Who knows, I might need to take you up on that one day.”

Now thinking of parents, Gakushuu glanced around before looking at Ren once more. “By the way,” he began, “where are your parents? I’ve only met them once or twice since I started coming over.”

Ren waved a hand nonchalantly. “They’re just off on business at the moment.”

Tilting his head in mild curiosity, Gakushuu asked, “Are they gone very often?”

“Oh!” Ren said, smiling brightly as he clapped his hands once in what seemed like excitement. “They’re actually going to be coming home tomorrow!”

Gakushuu nodded as he idly threw the soccer ball from hand to hand. “Oh, that’s good.” he said, not noticing that his question was dodged. “Are you guys going to do anything together?”

Ren shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to see what kind of mood they’re in when they get home.”

Gakushuu hummed absently in acknowledgment, distantly wishing that he could have parents more like his friend’s.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Gakushuu frowned and looked over at Ren, his expression nearly hesitant. “Ren I… think you should start calling me Gakushuu now instead of Shuu. We’re… we’re getting too old for nicknames now.”

Ren felt something in his chest twist painfully at that. He didn’t _want_ to stop calling his friend by his nickname! It… it had always made Ren feel special, since even the other kids at school could only use the other’s full first name. But…

He looked at his friend’s face and saw the discomfort there. He saw the hesitancy and knew that Gakushuu was only asking this because he thought it was necessary and what he was supposed to do instead of being what he _really_ wanted. 

_If he thinks it’s necessary to change, then I’ll trust him. There’s no point in me making this harder for him than it needs to be._

So, smiling reassuringly at the other despite the burning he could feel in his eyes, he spoke softly to the other, “Alright, I understand. Do you mind if I keep calling you Shuu just for today, though?”

Gakushuu nodded, glad that his friend was seeming to take his request well. “Yeah, that’s fine. One more day shouldn’t hurt.”

Smiling perfectly, eyes closed with what seemed to be joy, Ren responded brightly, “Thanks, Shuu. I’m glad.”

—

_CRASH_

“I liked that paperweight you bastard!”

“Yeah!? Well I liked that vase you chucked at my head!”

_“Ugly fucker!”_

_“Crazy bitch!”_

Ren’s hands didn’t make very good sound blockers, but they were all he had just then. His parents had gotten so angry at each other that they had forgotten he was in the room when they started fighting again, throwing plates and fists with abandon, leaving Ren to run and take cover in the nearby closet, not wanting to get hit with any flying shards. 

_SLAM_

He flinched as something else hit the wall outside the closet, shattering on impact. 

_SMACK_

“Did you just hit me!?” his father demanded furiously. “I outta call the cops on you!”

“Good fucking luck!” his mom yelled back. “I’ll tell them about how you punched me first!”

“I punched you because you _clawed my face,_ you goddamn harpy!”

“I only clawed you because you-!”

Ren squeezed his eyes shut as he tried harder to block the voices out, tears rolling down his face faster and faster. He didn’t know _when_ he started crying, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to stop for a while. He pulled his knees up to his chest and buried his face in them. 

_SMASH_

His tears began to fall faster as their voices grew even _louder,_ if possible. Despite his tears, however, his cries were completely inaudible. He remembered vaguely that there was a study that showed that if you ignore a baby’s cries for long enough, they’d simply stop when they learned that no one is coming to help them. 

And Ren’s cries had always been silent, even when his parents were home. Because for him, hiding curled up and crying in this closet away from the screaming and violence…

He never felt as truly _alone_ as he did when his parents were home.

And he knew that no one would come to help.

So he cried uselessly for what felt like hours, unable to leave his hiding spot while the storm raged on. He fell asleep there eventually, tear tracks drying on his face as his parents went to sleep on opposite sides of the house, forgetting all about their son once more in their blind anger. 

And when he woke up, they were gone once again. 


	7. Chapter 7

_Age 10:_

_Knock knock_

  
  


_Knock knock_

  
  


Head lifting from the book he had been reading, Ren tossed it onto the couch and got up to answer the door, a grin already on his face. 

Grabbing the handle and pulling it open, Ren raised a hand in greeting to the person on the other side. “Hey, Sh-“ he paused before quickly correcting himself, “Gakushuu! I’m glad you could get permission to stay the night!” It had only been a few months since the other had requested to start going by his full name, and Ren still occasionally slipped up when he wasn’t thinking about it. 

Gakushuu’s smile was more subdued than Ren’s as he walked in, but still genuine. “Hello as well, Ren. I’m glad that my schedule allowed it this time, but don’t forget that means I’m going to have to study for a few hours at least.”

Ren nodded obediently. “No problem! I’ll even help you study if you want.”

Smile turning warmer at the easy acceptance and offer of help, Gakushuu carefully set his overnight bag on the couch, careful not to set it on the still-open book. “I suppose that _would_ make it go faster…”

Ren rocked back and forth on the heels of his feet as he asked cautiously, “Sooo… do you need to start studying _now,_ or can we go play in the snow before that?”

Sighing as though greatly put-upon, Gakushuu replied evenly, “Well, my textbooks don’t look as though they’re fighting to escape, so-”

_“Yes!”_ Ren cheered, happily bouncing in place before turning to run up the stairs, presumably to put his winter gear on before going outside. 

Gakushuu shook his head, finding himself filled with fond exasperation. How did the other manage to always be so _happy?_

It was truly baffling to him. 

He decided to sit down and wait for the other to finish getting ready, since he was already wearing his winter clothes from the walk over. Leaning back, he relaxed more fully onto the comfortable couch. 

He couldn’t ever figure out exactly why, but it always seemed like _everything_ in Ren’s house was more comfortable than in his own. He closed his eyes for a few moments, enjoying the silence around him.

Some unknown amount of time later, he opened his eyes as he heard footsteps begin their descent down the staircase. Peering over from his spot on the couch, he watched Ren make his way down, his hand clenching the banister tightly as he went. 

Reaching the bottom, Ren nearly _skipped_ over to him in his eagerness. “Are you ready?” he asked. 

Gakushuu nodded, a hidden gleam of interest in his eyes. As much as he might try to pretend that he was above childish things, he had never really grown out of his love for playing in the snow. 

They made their way through the kitchen and out through the backdoor into the backyard, where Ren _immediately_ fell to his back and started making snow angels. 

Gakushuu shrugged and decided to join him. 

It was shaping up to be a fun day.

…

Ren looked over from his admittedly lopsided snowman to see Gakushuu sculpting an intricate _dragon_ out of the snow. 

He once again found himself blown away by how much sheer _talent_ his friend had. Ren didn’t think that he could make something that looked that cool even if he lived for hundreds of years!

“You’re really good at this, Gakushuu!” Ren called as he abandoned his snowman to go get a better look at his friend’s creation. 

Gakushuu glanced up at his approaching friend before shrugging. “I was in a snow sculpting competition once.”

“And you won it?”

“Of course.”

Ren grinned at that. His friend managed to win nearly _every_ competition he had ever been in. And when he didn’t it was usually due to a technicality. He was so talented! 

“That’s cool!” he said as he sat on the ground near his friend, watching him continue to sculpt. “Do you have any competitions coming up?”

Gakushuu’s mouth twitched down slightly as he responded, “Yes, actually. I have a martial arts tournament to go to tomorrow.”

Sensing that the other didn’t want to talk about it anymore, Ren asked instead, “Have you ever won a fight against an adult?” He leaned forward, eager to hear his answer. 

Gakushuu blinked and nodded, as though the news wasn’t very impressive. “Yes,” he said, “I’ve won spars against most of my martial arts teachers. Last week I accidentally broke my jujitsu teacher’s thumb with a kick, actually.” His voice gained a slightly embarrassed edge at that, looking away from the other so he wouldn’t see the red creeping onto his face. “...That lesson ended early.”

“Wow,” Ren said, eyes wide in awe as he pushed his glasses up, “you could probably break my whole face in with one hit!”

Turning back around to look at him at that, Gakushuu raised an eyebrow. “Ren, that’s not really any sort of accomplishment. I could have done that even without any training.” The barest hint of a teasing smirk entered his face as he continued, “You’re pretty frail, after all. An excited chihuahua could probably knock you over.”

“Wh- _hey!”_ Ren protested indignantly. The irritation melted off his face, however, the second he heard amused snickers coming from the other, muffled behind his glove.

_Well,_ he thought with a small smile, _I suppose as long as he’s happy, I don’t really mind being laughed at._

Eyes lighting up as an idea struck him, Ren stood up and gathered some snow while the other’s back was turned and began forming a snowball. Once he was satisfied with the size of it, he wound his arm back and pitched it right at the other. 

The other’s laughter halted as a snowball hit the very center of the back of his head. He blinked in surprise before turning around and putting his hands on his hips. “Are you really sure you want to start this?” he asked, an amused and dangerous glint entering his eyes. 

“Not even a little bit!” Ren called back as he began to back away, grin not fading at all. “But let’s do it anyway!”

With that, Gakushuu immediately dropped to the ground to gather snow and Ren ran around the new in-ground pool to the other side of the yard where he ducked down behind a covered rose bush. He quickly began forming snowballs of his own, straining his ears for any sounds he could hear, not wanting to get snuck up on. 

After a while of hearing nothing, Ren slowly peeked out from the side of the bush-

-and was _immediately_ pelted in the face by a snowy projectile. 

_Oh right,_ he thought absently as he ducked back behind the bush, wiping his face off, _he doesn’t need to be close to hit me with one._

_My aim might be good, but his is on a whole other_ level!

Smiling once more, Ren readied more snowballs in preparation for the sneak attack he knew the other would be launching soon.

(It was handy that they had studied the same books on tactics for so long, and that Ren had been the one quizzing Gakushuu on them. It really helped him guess what his friend was likely to do next.)

_There’s no way I’ll win this, but it should be fun._

…

Ren was correct. He lost miserably exactly the way he thought he would. 

It was _great._

He laid on his back on the ground panting heavily while Gakushuu sat beside him, not even slightly out of breath. The yard was now a mess of scattered footprints and snowball remnants from missed shots. 

“I win.” Gakushuu said, a small grin twitching at his lips. 

A few moments later when Ren finally caught his breath, he smiled up at him, pleased by the lighter mood his friend was in now. “Both of us knew you would, Gakushuu.” he said, jokingly rolling his eyes. 

Trying to think of something to say, Ren asked a question he realized he didn’t know the answer to. “Hey, Gakushuu? What’s your favorite color?”

Long since used to random questions like this from the other, Gakushuu didn’t ask what brought that on and instead leaned back on his hands as he thought it over. “I guess I like green.” he said thoughtfully. “Greens and blues. They’re very calm, peaceful colors. I like that.”

Ren nodded. That made sense.

Gakushuu glanced down at him. “So what’s _your_ favorite color, then?”

Ren blinked for a moment, realizing that he wasn’t entirely sure. Then, suddenly, he realized what the answer was. “I think my favorite color is violet.” he said absently. 

After all, his world had been bleak and _gray_ before he met Gakushuu. The bright violet of the other’s eyes when he had crashed into his life had been the _first_ color that Ren could say truly stood out to him and caught his eye. That first vibrant splash of color had caused him to begin to notice more and more around him, until the world was no longer dull to his eyes. 

Even now, Ren was positive that that was his favorite memory. 

Seeing the other looking at him curiously, Ren scrambled for an explanation, realizing what he just said. “Y’know,” he said brightly to cover up his slip, “because I’m growing some violets right now? I also like red because red roses are really important in romance stories.”

Gakushuu rolled his eyes at the answer, thankfully buying it. “I don’t know how you can read so many books about romance. They’re so _boring.”_

Ren crossed his arms at that. “They are _not!_ Romance stories are _great!”_

“If you say so.” Gakushuu said dryly, lips twitching slightly up at the other’s passionate response. 

They sat in silence for a few moments longer before Gakushuu sighed and collapsed backwards into the snow beside Ren. “My dad is picking me up early in the morning tomorrow to bring me to the competition.”

“Oh?” Ren asked, sensing that the other had more to say, since they were both already aware of when he’d be leaving.

And sure enough the strawberry blonde continued with an annoyed look on his face, “But I’m so _sick_ of competitions! It’s like there’s a new one to go to and win every day!” He scowled up at the sky. “I like winning, but I’m so _tired._ I just want a _break_ for a while.”

Ren frowned, wishing he could help the other somehow. Unable to think of anything else to do, he sat up and smiled gently down at the other. “Let’s go inside. I’ll make us some hot cocoa and we can study while we drink.”

Gakushuu nodded before reluctantly getting up as well. They made their way back inside, shutting the door behind themselves and taking off their soaked outer clothes and shoes, leaving them in a pile by the door. 

Grinning warmly at the other, Ren cheerfully said, “I’ll stay in here and make the cocoa so you can get a head start on getting all the books out and everything.”

At Gakushuu’s accepting nod and subsequent departure, Ren clapped his hands together once in excitement and began pulling the ingredients he would need out. 

He got the feeling that Gakushuu would like this. 

…

Carefully balancing the tray with both drinks perched on top of it, Ren walked into the living room and slowly set it onto the coffee table. Both cups were topped with a large swirl of whipped cream and a small sprinkle of cinnamon.

“That one is yours.” Ren said as he pointed to the one on the left. 

Blinking down at the cups, Gakushuu gently lifted his up and sipped at it tentatively. Eyes widening immediately, he looked over at Ren, an obvious question on his face. 

Happy at the positive reaction, Ren explained, “It’s hot cocoa mixed with coffee. I know how much you like coffee and that you only like things to be a little bit sweet, so yours is about sixty percent coffee to forty percent cocoa.” He gestured to his own and said, “Mine is closer to thirty percent coffee and seventy percent cocoa.”

Nodding wordlessly, Gakushuu took another sip of his drink.

And then another.

When Gakushuu didn’t come up for air for a few seconds, Ren’s eyes widened in mild alarm as he said, “Wait, don’t drink it too fast! You might make yourself sick!” 

Gakushuu lowered the cup at that, face turning a bit red at his slight loss of control. 

Ren repressed a giggle at the whipped cream dotting the tip of his friend’s nose. 

Realizing what was causing the amused look on the other’s face, Gakushuu scowled and wiped his nose off, face growing redder in embarrassment. 

Smiling and taking a sip of his own cocoa, Ren made sure to get even more on his own face before looking up at Gakushuu with a grin. 

Gakushuu almost choked on his drink, having not expected that. Unable to stop himself, he began to giggle behind his free hand. “You’re ridiculous.” he said through his laughter. 

Laughing at himself, Ren nodded before getting up and going to the kitchen to wash the lower half of his face off, licking some off his lips as he went.

Absolutely worth it.

…

That night they sat by the fire that Ren started, curled up in blankets with fresh cups of cocoa beside them. The studying had gone on for a long time, but Ren didn’t really mind when Gakushuu was there to help make it more interesting. 

(Ren was thankful that he learned how to start a fire when he was six in case his parents ever weren’t home during the winter and the heater broke for some reason. This wasn’t really how he thought he’d use this knowledge, but he was enjoying it nonetheless.)

Looking out the window, Ren idly commented, “It looks like the snow is beginning to pick up.”

Gakushuu nodded, taking a sip of his drink. “I like watching snow fall.” he admitted, staring out the window. “There’s something about it that’s just… really nice, I guess.”

“I get what you mean.” Ren said as he pulled his blanket tighter around his shoulders. “It makes everything look peaceful. I was reading a book the other day about a romance that took place in an area that was really snowy and it made everything seem calmer and beautiful. It was really good!”

“Oh?” Gakushuu asked, humoring his friend. 

Ren nodded. “Yeah,” he said, staring into the fire as he remembered the story, “the girl sounded really pretty as well. It described how her hair shone in the sun and how her eyes glittered like jewels.” He sighed happily at the memory, wanting to reread the book now that he was remembering this. 

Gakushuu glanced over, a considering look in his eyes. “You really like girls, huh?” he asked. This was hardly the first time Ren had gushed to him about how pretty a girl was. Whether that girl was from a book, a magazine, or real life, it didn’t seem to matter to him with how he spoke of them. 

Ren blinked and tilted his head. “Yes?” he responded, confused. “Aren’t all guys supposed to like girls? That’s what my dad said, after all.”

Shrugging, Gakushuu responded, “My father just told me to find someone who doesn’t annoy me after a few minutes and doesn’t hinder my grades or learning.”

“So,” Ren began, looking over at his friend curiously, “it doesn’t matter who you date then? Boy or girl?”

Gakushuu shrugged once more before answering, “Honestly, if you like the way someone looks and their personality, and being with them makes you happy, then I don’t think anything else should matter.” 

Ren’s eyes were trained on the fire as he thought that over. His friend made a really good point, but…

_But the only person like that for me is…_

Ren glanced at Gakushuu before quickly looking away. “So do you think it’ll snow more tonight?” he asked, ignoring the heat creeping into his face as he finished off the rest of his drink. 

Gakushuu hummed in thought. “Hopefully. There was only a few inches of snow today, so there’ll be more tomorrow with any luck.”

“That sounds nice.” Ren said, leaning back on his arms. 

Gakushuu nodded at that, and they went back to watching the fire in silence, enjoying the soothing crackling sound from the burning logs. 

—

Squinting as the sun hit his eyes the next morning, Ren slowly sat up, rubbing his eyes as he yawned. He grabbed his glasses from his bedside table and put them on before brushing his hair out of his face with his fingers. 

There was a light but hurried knocking at his door suddenly. Getting up, he went to open the door after throwing on a pair of pants. “Yes?” he asked, confused as to why his friend looked so happy this early in the morning. He was glad he was, but neither of them were really what you would call a ‘morning person’. 

Nearly bouncing in place from excitement, Gakushuu asked, “Have you looked outside yet?”

“Uhh,” Ren began, brain still coming back online, “not yet? Why?”

“There was a freak snowstorm last night!” Gakushuu cheered. “I got a text this morning from my father and he said that the competition was canceled because of the snow, and that the roads are closed until they can clear them. And _that_ most likely won’t happen until late this afternoon!”

An answering grin immediately formed on Ren’s face at the news. “That’s great, dude!” he exclaimed. He was happy to get more time with Gakushuu, and happy that his friend didn’t have to go to a competition he knew the other was dreading. 

Gakushuu nodded, still obviously excited to get another day off. 

“Okay,” Ren said after stifling a small yawn, “I’ll make breakfast for us, and then we can go back out in the snow after.”

“Sounds good.” Gakushuu confirmed, moving to walk down the stairs, clearly ready to get started. 

Huffing a quiet laugh at the now uncharacteristic eagerness, Ren closed his door and followed him to the kitchen. 

_Today is a good day._

…

After making and eating breakfast, the two of them donned their winter ware and went outside, amazed by the new amount of snow to play with. The snow had only been up to around the tops of their shoes the day before, but was now over halfway up their shins! 

Shivering as the first brisk wave of cold air hit him, Ren grinned over at Gakushuu who had already taken the initiative to faceplant into a large pile of snow, making a very _strange_ snow angel. Laughing at the sight and deciding to join him, Ren laid down a short distance away and began to do the same, enjoying the feeling of the icy snow hitting his face and helping him wake up more.

After a few minutes of making snow angels in various degrees of ridiculousness, Ren’s head popped up as an idea occurred to him. 

“One sec,” he called to Gakushuu as he stood to make his way inside, “I’ll be right back!”

Bolting inside and gripping the banister as he quickly made his way up the stairs, he ran into his room and over to his shelf, grabbing something off of it. “There you are!” he said, happy to find it. 

Quickly leaving the room and making his way outside, Ren hid the object behind his back as he walked over to Gakushuu, who was looking at him with his eyebrow raised. 

Pulling the object out, he proudly showed it to Gakushuu, who blinked in surprise when he saw it. 

“A Polaroid camera?” Gakushuu asked, tilting his head. He had heard of this kind before but had never actually seen one. Where taking a photo immediately printed out a little version of it for you. 

“Yep!” Ren said, grinning. “Let’s take a picture together!” He was positive that he wanted a picture of today. A day spent enjoying the snow with his best friend was something he _knew_ he’d want to remember when things seemed bleak. 

Gakushuu sighed but nodded, acquiescing easily to the request. He supposed it wouldn’t hurt to humor him on this. Besides, most of the pictures that were taken of him were done professionally for newspapers or online articles after he won some competition. 

It might be… _nice_ to have his picture taken by somebody who only wanted it because they were close. 

Ren threw his arm over Gakushuu’s shoulders and beamed at the camera. Gakushuu rolled his eyes but smiled brightly as well, happy in a way he hadn’t been in quite a while. 

Ren took the photo while they were both smiling, snow in their windblown hair and noses red from the frosty chill of the day. Once the first one printed out, he retrieved it and handed it to Gakushuu to hold while they took one more so they could both have a copy. 

As the camera flashed, Ren could only hope that they would have more days like this in the future, where neither of them had to deal with any worries beyond what they wanted to do at that exact moment the way most kids could. Perhaps it was hoping for too much, but it was all Ren could really do. 

Looking over at his friend who, at least for today had _light_ in his eyes again, Ren could only smile as he exhaled slowly, his breath turning visible in the air as it floated away. 

Yeah... today was a pretty good day.


	8. Chapter 8

_Age 11:_

Ren tilted his head a little as he dipped the makeup sponge back into the container of concealer. Bringing it up again, he gently dabbed it onto the large bruise marring his mother’s upper arm. 

“I… I just can’t…” the woman said, sniffling as she dabbed at her eyes, “I can’t believe that… that he’s _cheating_ on me!” This exclamation caused an entirely new wave of tears to pour from her eyes, once again proving that waiting to do the makeup on her face last was the correct call. 

Ren sighed silently behind her as he carefully added another layer of cover-up.

_I don’t know why you’re so upset about it,_ he thought dryly, one eyebrow raised. _After all, you were cheating on_ him _just last month._

When his mom continued to cry, he added a layer of powder to the top of the spot he was working on, carefully sealing it after making sure it was blended correctly. Then, setting the container down, he walked over to the front of her and offered his arms up for a hug. 

“Oh,” his mom began with a sniffle as she scooped him forward into her arms, _“thanks_ sweetie. You’re such a good kid.” Holding him tightly in her arms, she placed a kiss to the top of his head. “I’m so lucky to have such a thoughtful child.”

Ren smiled up at her as she ruffled his hair fondly. After wiping her eyes once more with a handkerchief, she set it down and finally started on her makeup, carefully working around Ren still sitting in her lap.

Cuddling in closer, Ren let himself enjoy the peace of the moment.

Before this, he had been in the room his father stayed in when he was home, helping him cover up the cuts and scratches on his hands and the side of his neck. The man had spent twenty minutes complaining about his wife before asking Ren how he was doing in school. He seemed proud to hear that Ren still held the second highest spot in school after Gakushuu.

(Ren may or may not have purposefully missed a question or two on a test here and there to make sure he stayed _firmly_ in second place. He was sure that Gakushuu was smarter than him, but he didn’t want to ever accidentally do better than the other and become _competition_ to him instead of his friend. 

...He didn’t think he could handle it if his friend started to view him as just an obstacle to overcome. 

Besides, Gakushuu deserved the top spot more than he did. He worked hard and studied constantly _on top_ of his already busy schedule. Ren just got lucky with a good memory for things he’s read and a high natural intelligence. Hell, he didn’t even _study_ unless Gakushuu was around.

Ren had always thought that his friend’s hard work was more deserving of recognition than his luck, and he knew he would continue to think so.)

He would give his parents _this_ at least, he could always tell that, despite their hatred for each other, they both loved _him_ very much. He didn’t think they were always great at showing it, but he loved them back all the same.

He watched absently as his mother carefully applied each new layer of makeup to her face with the delicate hand of an artist, not a single smudge or line out of place. She had long ago explained what each thing was called and how it was used, indulging her son’s ever-present curiosity. She taught him how to match makeup to skin tones correctly, how to blend it out to look natural, and many other things. 

Currently his knowledge was only useful for hiding injuries, but maybe it would come in handy in the future? It wasn’t like it hurt to have more knowledge anyway.

As she put the finishing touches on, Ren marveled at the fact that you could no longer tell she had been sobbing her eyes out only a short time ago. Her hair and face were perfectly done without a single visible flaw, with her light brown hair curled into perfect wavy curls and her green eyes lined precisely, giving her a sharp cat eye effect. 

His father was much the same. When Ren left his room he had been straightening his tie and buttoning the cuffs of his suit jacket. A far cry from the frazzled state he had been in before he started getting ready. Not that he was surprised, of course. After all...

Ren’s family was a family of liars. 

It was a fact of life he had accepted long ago. Had known before he even learned to speak complete sentences. He had learned a lot from his parents over the years, despite how infrequently they were home. 

His father taught him how to read statistics and contracts the way most children learned to read storybooks (though he certainly wasn’t lacking in those either) in preparation for Ren to one day take over their company. He taught Ren how to find loopholes and how to create them. How to make a deal with someone that sounds equal and still come out on top. He taught him that people respect you when you look professional, and like you know what you’re doing. 

His father taught him business and how to think for himself. Taught him how to tell when someone was trying to cheat him and how to cheat others if need be. And he was happy to learn these things. 

His mother taught him many things as well. 

She taught him basic manners and indulged in whatever thing he asked her about, always amused by his natural curiosity. She taught him that people tend to be kinder to you when you look nice, and how to use that to your advantage. She had cooed over him as she told him this, mentioning that she could already tell he’d grow up to be incredibly handsome. Ren had been happy to hear it, but had thought she must have just been saying that to be nice.

She taught him skills, taught him to sing and how to cook. Taught him how to paint and what the names were for the flowers he liked. His mother had taught him many things, but the most important thing she ever taught him…

Was how to _lie._

_..._

_“Now baby,” his mother said as he sat on the floor by her knee with a book in hand, “there’s something I’m going to teach you today, and I want you to listen very carefully, okay?”_

_Ren nodded, staring up at her with his wide green eyes. He was always excited to learn something new, and he loved when his parents paid even more attention to him than usual. Spending time with them was fun, after all._

_“Good.” the woman said, smiling softly down at her child. “You see, my father taught me this when I was ten years old. I know you’re only six, but you’ve always been a wonderfully bright child, so I think you’re ready to hear it as well.”_

_Ren closed his book and set it down, focusing fully on his mom._

_Tucking a lock of hair behind her ear, the woman began, “I’m going to teach you how to lie properly.” Seeing her son’s confused expression, she laughed lightly and pulled him up into her lap. “I know you’ve probably heard that you shouldn’t lie, but there are many times in your life where you’ll need to know how to. We’re going to need to practice quite a bit, since this is something that holds many facets.”_

_“Now, darling,” she said, “the first lesson I’m going to teach you might just be the most important. I’m going to teach you how to_ smile.”

_Ren tilted his head at that, confused. Had he been doing it wrong? He turned around in her lap a little to give her a questioning look. “Smile?” he asked._

_She laughed lightly. “Yes, baby. A smile is more useful than you could ever imagine. A smile can open more doors for you than anything else ever could. Now, do me a favor and smile for me?”_

_He did his best to smile at that, but found that it felt strange to do on command. He hadn’t really thought about smiling when he wasn’t happy before._

_His mother nodded like she got the result she expected. “As adorable as ever, sweetie!” she cooed, reaching forward to tickle his stomach._

_Ren giggled at the light touches, squirming around in her lap._

_Raising her finger after she stopped and Ren had regained his breath, she asked, “There, now did you feel any differences between that smile and the one you gave earlier?”_

_He paused as he thought about it before nodding. “My eyes were more scrunched up.”_

_“Exactly so!” his mother said happily, clapping her hands together once at the correct answer. “You see, the mistake most people make when they fake happiness is that they forget to have it touch their_ eyes _as well. They think that just a smile is enough, but it certainly isn’t.” She shook her head lightly, a rueful smile on her face. “There’s more that I’ll have to teach you about tone and body language, but all of that will be useless if you can’t fake a smile properly.”_

_Ren took a moment to absorb that before nodding. It made sense to him._

_“There’s something you should know about this trick, though.” she said warningly, her emerald eyes so much like his glinting in the low lights of the room. “You shouldn’t ever teach this to someone else. Not unless you’re_ sure _that you’ll never need to lie to them. Because then they’ll know what to look for in you when you lie, and you might never be able to completely fool them again.” She put a finger up to her lips in a shushing motion and continued with a small smile, “Remember this darling: the best liars are the ones that can manage to convince others that they’re bad at it.”_

_Ren frowned. “Does that mean that you shouldn’t teach me this?” he asked, not wanting her to regret it._

_Her smile softened at that and she pulled Ren forward into a tight hug before answering, “Of course it’s fine for me to teach you this, baby. After all, my smile for_ you _won’t ever be fake.”_

_Ren smiled as she kissed the top of his head, enjoying the smell of her perfume. She always smelled like flowers, and today’s flower of choice seemed to be jasmine. It was nice._

_“Now,” his mother began as she pulled back a bit, her dark red lips pulled up into a grin with a_ few _too many perfect white teeth showing, something sharp as shattered glass in her eyes, “let’s get started on those lessons.”_

_“I’ll teach you how to fool_ anyone _with your smile, darling.”_

_…_

“You gave up on your attempt to talk to her, then?”

Ren looked up from where he was sitting in the corner moping to Gakushuu who stood in front of him, his eyebrow raised. He groaned and nodded. “I just panicked and left before she even saw me.” 

It had been one of many failures in a long list of attempts to talk with a girl he liked. He didn’t know why, he could always talk to strangers at parties when his parents wanted him to! But when it was a girl he liked… he just froze up.

“If you wanted,” Gakushuu began slowly, “I could teach you how to talk to girls properly.”

Ren internally narrowed his eyes at that, outwardly only blinking as he asked, “Oh?” He was _immediately_ suspicious. Over time, Gakushuu had become more focused and _cold._ He wouldn’t waste his time on something like this unless he was getting something in return. Hell, he had barely had time for Ren at _all_ recently. Not that Ren was upset with him for it, though. He could understand that his friend was in a difficult situation. 

So for him to offer something like this, that would certainly take a while to go over, out of nowhere? Yeah, Ren got the feeling that something was up. 

And sure enough…

“I’ll just need a small favor in return, of course.”

“Like what?” Ren asked, his tone only lightly curious.

Gakushuu smiled then. “You see, since we’re starting middle school next year, I plan to run for student council president. And I’m going to need a secretary to work as my second in command. I’ll need it to be someone I can trust. However, as my second in command, I won’t be able to show favor to you over any of the other students, of course.”

_Ah,_ Ren thought, ignoring the twinge in his heart, _I see._

_He’s asking me to become one of his followers instead of his friend. Or at least, not_ openly _his friend anymore._

Ren was aware that Gakushuu’s father had recently been teaching him manipulation tactics. Had seen the books about it added into Gakushuu’s reading material, and the assessing look Gakushuu now looked at people with when he thought they weren’t looking, seeing how he might be able to use them. For a beginner, he wasn’t doing too badly.

But when Ren looked up at his friend now, he could see that his smile wasn’t touching his eyes at all. There was only cold calculation in those violet eyes, a clinical distance that made something in Ren’s stomach clench painfully. 

He knew that this was important to him, however. Could see it from the way he held himself that he was doing his best to be convincing. But his spine and shoulders were too visibly stiff for any real amount of the casualness he was attempting to emanate. 

“There would be many benefits included for you as part of the student council,”

Ren remembered something that his mother told him long ago, when she was first teaching him about the basics.

“The social standing is remarkably high in my father’s school for those that hold the position,”

_Now darling, there may come a time in your life where someone tries to manipulate you,_

“And since we’re both aware that you’ll be in Class A with me-“

_And despite being aware that they’re trying to manipulate you, you decide to hear them out,_

“-there’s also the fact that the student council seems to accumulate quite the fan club,”

_Either because you’re interested in what they’re offering, or because they’re someone you care about dearly,_

“And other admirers as well,”

_Or even both._

“The position as well will look fantastic on any college transcripts,”

_Just remember something if you take them up on their deal._

“-especially if you hold the position throughout high school as well,”

_Do your best not to lose yourself completely, baby. Most don’t even notice it’s happened until it’s too late. And some people never come back from it._

“There are also things such as school trips that we-”

Ren stared into his friend's eyes as he continued to list things off. It sounded like the other was mostly offering him power and other perks as a bribe for becoming his follower. Ren already knew that he’d miss the closeness with him that he had currently eventually, but...

He knew that if he said no, Gakushuu would be disappointed and begin to pull away from him anyway. And he would find a new second in command. _And_ it would probably be someone who couldn’t handle Gakushuu’s moods like Ren could, and wouldn’t be able to subtly get him to relax when he got too tense.

So it seemed like there was really only one option.

“You will of course have many duties that you’ll be expected to keep up with, however.”

_Ren was born to a family of liars._

Gakushuu smiled once again when he finished his sales pitch, leaning forward with his hand outstretched to the other, eyes watching Ren like he was a particularly interesting lab specimen. “So… do you accept?”

_And of them…_

Ren smiled brightly, eyes wrinkling with apparent joy as he tilted his head slightly, mouth pulling up father on one corner than the other. Reaching up, he clasped the other’s outstretched hand with his own and let himself be helped up. “That sounds great, Gakushuu."

_He was the best at it._

"I’d love to.”


	9. Chapter 9

_Age 12:_

Ren blinked his eyes rapidly a few times, still trying to get used to his new contacts. He had been wearing them for about a week now, but they still just felt so _weird_ to him. 

He had spent the last year getting tutored by Gakushuu on the best ways to keep his confidence up when talking to girls he liked, and he had to say, he thought it was going pretty well! He no longer stuttered or panicked when talking to his female classmates, and now that they were a week into the start of a new school year at a new school, there wasn’t anyone else around who had gone to the same elementary school as him to even _remember_ the way he was before. 

Well, except Gakushuu, of course.

In Ren’s free time, he had begun to study up on the best flirting techniques from teen movies and old romance novels. Some of the stuff seemed a little strange, but the girls in the movies and books always seemed to respond well to it, so he supposed he shouldn’t question it.

Gakushuu had also heavily hinted that Ren should change his image not just to make it easier to flirt with girls, but also so that the student council would have a better overall image. He had mentioned that there would be enough students with the ‘nerdy’ type look, and that they would need more people who seemed more ‘trendy’. 

Ren felt vaguely insulted, but fine. If Gakushuu wanted him to become someone else, then Ren could do that. He became someone different every time his parents dragged him to a party, after all. So this would be a piece of cake for him. He’d just need to make the changes permanent if he was going to do this correctly. 

Which brought Ren to where he was now, with contacts and a haircut that still felt weird to him but had been voted as one of the most fashionable hairstyles recently in more than one fashion magazine he had picked up. He hadn’t been sure about the look at first, but the girls at his new school seemed to like it. So... he _guessed_ it was good? 

Oh well, it’d probably grow on him over time. 

Ren had yet to actually _flirt_ with any girls, however. He had made polite small talk with a few of them, but he was a bit too wary to try and take it farther than that. It was true that the students who scored well at this school gained ‘fans’, so what if they only wanted to date him for his grades and not who he was?

He… didn’t like the idea of that. It felt like when girls would be nice to him at parties _just_ because they knew who his parents were.

Frowning, he decided to focus back on the present. He looked across his coffee table to Gakushuu who sat on the opposite couch, a stack of folders in his grasp.

It was the first time in a while that the other had made time to come visit him. Though, it seemed like the visit was for a specific reason instead of just being a casual visit. 

“Okay,” Gakushuu said as he set the files onto the table, “these are the files of the top scoring students. We need to go through them so I can begin to look into who holds the most promise in being productive student council members.”

Ren raised an eyebrow at the stack of files. “These are the official student files, aren’t they?” He picked up a random one and began to skim through it. “Isn’t it like… pretty illegal for us to be reading these?” He looked up just in time to see Gakushuu shrug in response. Ah, that meant that the principal was aware of this but was allowing it as some sort of lesson for his son. 

Well as long as Ren didn’t have to deal with the hassle of being arrested, it was fine. 

“So where do we start?” he asked, raising his hand up by habit to push up glasses that weren’t there anymore, then lowering the hand back down after he remembered. “Seems like a lot of folders.”

Gakushuu leafed through the files and picked three out before setting them down. “From what I’ve gathered, these three hold the most promise. Some work would need to be done to get them up to par, of course.”

Opening the first one sideways on the table so they could both see its contents clearly, Gakushuu began, “This is Araki Teppei. His specialty seems to be in social studies, and he seems to have proven some talent in dealing with cameras and event announcements.” 

Ren tilted his head thoughtfully. “A bit plain looking. Sounds talented enough though, I suppose.”

Gakushuu nodded and placed the next file on top, opening it before saying, “This is Seo Tomoya. His talent seems to lie mainly in English.”

Raising an eyebrow, Ren commented bluntly, “What’s up with his nose?”

Gakushuu rolled his eyes. _“Focus,_ Ren. We’re not going over these to judge their appearances.” With that, set the last folder on top of the pile. “This one is Koyama Natsuhiko. He mainly seems to specialize in science.” He opened the folder.

“....”

“....”

“So I take back what I said about the last guy’s nose.”

_“Ren.”_

Ren put his hands up defensively but couldn’t take his eyes off the paper in front of him because… _wow._

_Someone actually_ looked _like that?_

Gakushuu attempted to pull the conversation back in the right direction. “He’s not even that-”

“Did they drag him out of the bottom of a _swamp,_ oh my _god.”_ Ren interjected, unable to help himself.

Ren watched as Gakushuu’s mouth twitched upwards just once before he schooled it back into place. 

_Ha,_ Ren thought as he caught that, amused. _He agrees with me, he’s just trying to act like he doesn’t._

_He’s... gotten meaner over these last few years, hasn’t he? He would have been the first one to tell me to stop being mean when we were younger._

_It’s not just that, either. It seems like he’s completely shut himself off from_ everyone _recently._

_...I don’t want to think about this anymore._

“And how the fuck are his eyebrows _growing_ like that?” Ren asked, picking up the folder to get a closer look, attempting to distract himself. 

Gakushuu snatched it back from his grasp. “Their appearances aren’t the important issue here.”

_Oh,_ Ren thought with a touch of bitterness, _but_ mine _was enough of one for you to ask me to change it?_

“Ugly people exist, Ren.” Gakushuu continued dryly. “Just ignore it and focus on the usefulness he can bring to the table.”

Ren only nodded obediently at that, sensing that the other was winding up for a subject change. 

“Now, despite these three being my top picks based on the information I’ve gathered so far, some surveillance will need to be done on them and a few other backup choices.”

“And you want me to be the one to follow them around and get info on them since I stand out less.” Ren said, realizing where this was going. 

Gakushuu nodded, as though pleased that the other was keeping up. “Yes, exactly. I need you to find out what sort of people they are and anything else that might be useful to know about them.”

_Anything that could help you manipulate them easier you mean._ Ren thought shrewdly. 

Well, he was being trusted with a decently important job, so…

“Sure thing!” Ren replied cheerfully. “They won’t even know I’m there.”

And it was a promise he knew he could keep. Over the years he had gotten better at blending in with the background, and his footsteps had _always_ been light and careful from years of walking around in a house that could have shards of shattered glass anywhere on the floor at any time when his parents were around.

His steps were so soundless, in fact, that he could remember startling Gakushuu when he was younger. The other could never hear Ren approaching and had tensed up when Ren placed a hand on his shoulder, whirling around like he thought he was going to be attacked. 

After that, Ren began to make noise a reasonable distance away from the other if he was approaching him from behind. Scuffing his foot audibly against the floor or just calling the other’s name seemed to do the trick well enough of keeping him comfortable without tipping him off that he was being accommodated for. 

Ren had no doubt the other would think it was some form of pity and get upset about it.

After they had looked over the files for long enough, they stacked them neatly back up and used the rest of their remaining time to study. 

After roughly an hour passed, Gakushuu looked up at the other. “Ren.” he said, getting his attention. 

Ren hummed questioningly as he read, only halfway paying attention. 

“I’m going to hotwire my father’s car.”

Ren stared wide-eyed down at his book, too shocked to even look up at the moment. The only thing running through his brain was the dial-up starting tone at full volume.

“You’re _what?”_ Ren finally choked out, making sure he didn’t mishear that. 

Gakushuu crossed his arms stubbornly. “I’m going to hotwire my father’s car.” he repeated, as though what he said made perfect sense instead of being _fucking bonkers._ “I’m positive that I can do it correctly. I’ve been reading books on it recently.”

A new flashing neon sign lit up brightly in Ren’s mind. 

  
  


**_NEW MISSION OBJECTIVE: STOP FRIEND FROM BEING VIOLENTLY MURDERED_ **

  
  


“Uhhh,” Ren began carefully, as though tip-toeing through a minefield, “I don’t… think that that’s a very good idea.”

Gakushuu scowled. “The idea is _fine._ Besides, I’ll need to learn to drive at _some_ point, right? Why not get a head start?”

_Because it’ll end with your death???_ Ren thought, a bit hysterically. 

“I don’t think you’re tall enough to see over the wheel yet.” he pointed out reasonably instead, attempting to appear calm and level headed. 

“I can put books on the seat to elevate myself.” Gakushuu said, shutting the book in his grasp. 

Ren frowned. “Didn’t you say that you’ve been reading books on it? And haven’t you _also_ told me that your dad keeps an eye on the things you read? What if this is just him testing you or something?”

Gakushuu paused at that, lost in thought for a moment before beginning to pale rapidly. He opened his mouth before silently closing it again. 

After a few minutes of silence, Gakushuu finally sighed. “Alright, perhaps it was not the most… well thought out of plans.”

Ren only nodded silently, not wanting to make his mood any worse. It seemed like the other’s father must have done or said something to _really_ push Gakushuu to his limits if he was suggesting something like _this._

_I wonder what he did to make you so angry this time,_ he thought as he quietly closed his own book. He couldn’t hold this lapse of judgment against the other. He could only _imagine_ what living under that much constant pressure at all times would cause him to do if _he_ had to deal with it. 

Getting up from his chair, Ren smiled down at the other. “I’ll make some tea for us. Today feels like a good day for it.”

Gakushuu nodded, just thankful that the other wasn’t dwelling on his embarrassing lapse in judgement. 

Ren hummed to himself as he left to make the tea. He knew the other wouldn’t want to talk about what caused this, so the best Ren could do to help at the moment was just to provide him with a moment of peace. 

He thought chamomile sounded nice just then.

—

A little over a week had passed since Ren had been tasked with gathering intel on the new potential followers. 

He had given his findings to Gakushuu a few days prior who had seemed impressed by the depth of the information Ren was able to uncover. But honestly, it hadn't even been very difficult to him. 

Compared to Gakushuu, _these_ guys had the situational awareness of blind fish on dry land. 

He had been careful to make some subtly pointed comments about Koyama’s insecurity and Seo’s superiority complex, knowing that those would be especially easy for Gakushuu to bend to his will. It seemed like he had already managed to get Koyama under his thumb the day before, in fact. 

He could tell that Gakushuu had improved his manipulation tactics more over time. His smile didn’t look quite as _plastic_ as it used to. 

Ren paused his walking when he heard a noise coming from the end of an otherwise empty hallway. 

Standing there were two large students, laughing and shoving a smaller boy back and forth between them before shoving him into the front of a locker. 

“Hey, Gakushuu.” Ren said, stopping the other from walking beside him as well. 

The other paused and looked over at him. “Yes?” he asked, slightly impatiently. 

Ren only pointed at the scene they were passing, one of the boys now holding up the shorter one by the collar. 

Gakushuu critically observed the scene before rolling his eyes. “Ignore it. That student is slated to be moved down to E Class soon.” He waved his hand nonchalantly as he began walking away once more. “The weak become stepping stools for the strong here. That’s just how things are. The sooner you get used to that the better.”

And Ren…

Ren could only remember then, a boy with bright eyes and a brighter smile. A boy who had seen him, weak and helpless on the ground, and had stepped in to help. 

He remembered the boy who helped him up and loudly declared that the weak should be treated _kindly_ by those stronger than them, and that bullies were the _worst._

He remembered the boy who brought him a small bird and asked him with so much _hope_ in his eyes if he could do something to help it. 

That boy…

He wasn’t here anymore… was he?

No, the person in front of him now was someone else. He had long ago stopped being the ‘Shuu’ that Ren once knew. The one he became friends with so many years ago. Now he was…

Gripping his binder firmly in his arms with a small frown on his face, Ren began to follow the boy in front of him once more, only sparing the scene behind him one last backwards glance. 

“...If you say so, Asano.”

There was a fraction of a second where Asano’s shoulders seemed to _stiffen_ slightly. His eyes widened for a moment, his steps faltered and for just one _piece_ of a second, Ren thought he saw something like _regret_ flash through the other’s expression. 

But then that second was over and Asano was once again walking calmly, instructing Ren on the duties he’d need to meet soon as the secretary. 

Ren shook his head. That regret he thought he saw… he must have imagined it. 

...Right?


	10. Chapter 10

_Age 13:_

Ren looked out the hotel window and sighed. As nice as it was to leave his house for a while, he could do without being trapped in an even smaller area than usual with both of his parents. 

Getting up from the pristine couch, he wandered over to peek into the bedroom his parents were inhabiting. They had been arguing for the last hour, their voices getting louder and louder until they progressed right into violence like they always did. 

He had no idea how they managed to not fight normally, but he supposed they were able to get separate rooms then. Currently, however, they had to book a single suite for themselves since they needed to look like a proper family for the event they had come here for.

Hence why _he_ got dragged along this time.

Eyes widening, he flinched back just as an empty champagne bottle smashed into the wall beside the door he was behind. Hands instinctively covering his face, a small shard of the shattered bottle scraped his hand as it flew by, causing him to let out a low hiss of pain. 

When he was sure it was safe to pull his hands away from his face, he glanced down at it to assess the damage. Across the back of his hand was a long thin red line, already beginning to bleed a bit. 

He walked over to the suite’s kitchen and ran his hand under the faucet after turning it on. Bringing it closer to his face after turning the water off, he inspected the damage. The cut didn’t seem to be too deep, but he’d probably still need to bandage his hand.

Making his way over to their luggage, he pulled out their first aid kit and began to slowly bandage his hand up, doing his best to ignore the sound of their fighting. 

The hotel was lavish, and the suite they were staying in had at least moderate soundproofing, but Ren was pretty sure that the hotel’s wasn’t as good as theirs was at home. If they kept fighting this loudly, he got the feeling that somebody would take notice.

And sure enough, not even ten minutes later there was a knock at the door. 

Ren glanced towards the room his parents were still in. They had stopped yelling, but he guessed they probably weren’t in any state to greet outsiders yet. When the knocking rang out once more, Ren sighed and got up, walking over to the door as he slid his injured hand into his pocket. 

Opening the door, he blinked at the middle-aged couple looking back at him.

“Hello,” he said, adopting a pleasant but confused expression, “can I help you with something?”

“Well,” the woman began, peering behind him into the room suspiciously, “we heard a crash and some yelling, so we wanted to make sure everything was okay up here.”

Feeling particularly thankful that he had already cleaned the main room, Ren laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand to appear embarrassed. “Oh yeah,” he said, “I accidentally knocked over a vase. It was pretty big so the crash was like, really loud, huh?”

“It was.” the man grumbled, annoyance clear in his tone as he crossed his arms. “Some of us were trying to get some sleep you know?”

_Oh, you must have it so rough,_ Ren thought sarcastically, his pleasant expression unchanging, _it’s not like I got injured or had to clean up the broken glass from it or anything._

“Sorry about that!” he said out loud instead.

“We heard yelling as well.” the woman continued, still squinting at him suspiciously like he was going to burst into tears and tell her some sob story about a life of abuse.

_As if._

“Oh, yeah,” he began sheepishly, “my parents were kinda upset with me for breaking it cause it was expensive and I knocked it over with a baseball.”

The man opened his mouth to say something again, but was interrupted by a door opening into the main room, Ren’s parents walking out looking as untouched and presentable as they always were when around others.

“Hello,” his mom greeted politely, “is something the matter?”

Ren turned and smiled up at his parents as they walked up behind him, both placing a hand on either shoulder. “Oh, they asked what all the noise was, so I told them about the vase I knocked over with my baseball.” He looked off to the side, taking on a mildly embarrassed expression as he added in a lower but still audible tone, “And that the loud voices were from you guys scolding me about it.”

His mother nodded and laughed lightly, quickly picking up on his meaning before turning a dazzling smile onto the couple in the doorway. “Ah right, sorry about the noise.”

His father aimed his own smile at them. “You know how _teenagers_ are, after all.” he said, voice lilted just enough to give the impression that they were all in on some big joke. “Can’t control ‘em!”

The middle aged couple chortled at that, all previous suspicion and irritation gone. “Oh, that’s too true!”

Ren’s smile tightened only a fraction at that. 

He really just... wanted to go home.

After the adults exchanged a few more pleasantries, the middle aged couple took their leave. A few minutes after the door was shut and they were sure it was safe, Ren’s mom smiled down at him. “Good job on that story, sweetie! They fell for it completely!”

His father shot him a grin as well. “That was some quick thinking there, son. You’ve gotten so good at wrapping people around your finger!”

Ren beamed at the affection, soaking up the feeling since he knew it wouldn’t last long with both of them being there at once. 

Unknowingly proving his point, his father broke the pleasant silence by saying proudly, “You get your intelligence from my side of the family, you know?”

_“Excuse you,”_ his mom began, subconsciously tightening her grip on Ren’s shoulder, clearly irritated, “but it certainly wasn’t _your_ side of the family.” 

His father tightened his own grip at that as he turned to look at her. “And what the hell is _that_ supposed to mean!?”

“Oh you know damn well what I mean!”

Ren sighed, rolling his eyes as he shrugged their hands off of him and walked back over to the couch while they continued arguing. He pulled a strawberry flavored sucker out of his pocket as he walked and popped it into his mouth before sitting down on the arm of the couch.

Surveying his (once again) arguing parents quietly, he let it go on for a few more moments before pulling the sucker out of his mouth. “Hey!” he called out, loudly enough to get their attention. “Aren’t you guys supposed to have a security guard posted to stop people from coming up to our door like that? Where are they?” he asked after they had both turned to look at him. 

His parents paused at that, frowning as they glanced at each other. 

Pulling out her phone, his mom began furiously texting someone. “Good question.” she muttered quietly as she typed. 

His father quickly scowled and pulled his own phone out, tapping the screen a few times and walking into the other room to hiss angrily into the phone after the person on the other end picked up.

_I probably just got someone fired,_ Ren thought dryly. 

_Oh well, they weren’t doing their job, so it’s not like they don’t deserve it._

He popped the sucker back into his mouth and sighed as they began arguing in between calls over whose fault it was. 

Ren got the feeling that it was going to be a long night. 

…

It was three hours later and his mom was on her second glass of wine while his father was on his third shot of whiskey. 

Ren just wished that they’d stop using them as _projectiles_ after every finished drink while they argued. He had _already_ gained a scrape on his leg to match the one on his hand. Glancing around the room, he could tell that his parents would need to call their personal cleaning crew up to come deal with the mess the next morning. 

The cleaning crew they had employed since he was born had signed a _very_ strict contract that they had to regularly renew that kept them quiet on what they saw while dealing with them. If they ever even let the _slightest_ thing about them slip, Ren knew his parents would sue them blind. The cleaning crew itself was friendly enough, he supposed. But…

He really hated the pitying looks they would send his way sometimes.

Glancing around at the shattered glass and now slightly dented walls, Ren frowned and went to grab his shoes. “Hey, I’m going to go explore the hotel for a while!” he called to his parents, just loudly enough to be heard. 

“Oh, have fun darling!” his mom half called, half slurred, already starting on her third glass of wine. 

His father sent him a nod as he walked out, busy refilling his glass tumbler. 

Closing the door behind him, Ren exhaled long and low, glad to be out of there. He turned down the hallway and made his way to the elevators. 

On the lower levels of this specific hotel, there was an area that was famous for letting in anyone underaged to drink if they wanted. The hotel itself was mainly visited by the children of celebrities and other millionaires, so Ren had no doubt that they’d let him in. 

Ren could _feel_ the music before he heard it, the base thumping like a heartbeat in the floors and walls as he got closer to the section of the hotel that held the club and bar area. 

After easily making his way inside, Ren was glad that he was already dressed appropriately for a place like this, otherwise they might have tried to stop him. 

Glancing around, he walked over to the bar where a few more kids around his age were seated, all smoking and laughing loudly. Sitting a few seats away from them, Ren smiled politely at the bartender working. 

The bartender smiled back. “Hey kid,” he greeted as he shook another drink, “can I get you something?”

Ren paused at that. He hadn’t ever really _had_ alcohol before, had he? He knew enough about it from watching his parents drink over the years, though. But was he sure that he wanted some?

Lips tightening as he remembered what was waiting for him back in the suite, he leaned forward. “I’m kinda new, what would you suggest?” 

_What the hell, why not? It’s not like they’d have a problem with it anyway._

Seeming to think for a moment, the bartender snapped his fingers after a moment. “I’ve got just the thing, hold on.”

Ren watched with barely restrained awe as the man grabbed and deftly flipped a few bottles around as he poured seemingly random amounts from them into his shaker, before adding one large square of ice and cracking another square into pieces before adding that as well. Putting the top onto the shaker, he began to shake the drink slowly at first before beginning to pick up speed. 

Once he stopped, he set the shaker down and grabbed a tall glass from the shelf, pouring the drink into it. Then he carefully cut a piece of orange peel and garnished the drink with it. 

“I like experimenting with recipes for drinks,” the man explained with a smile as he pushed the drink over, “and this one should be pretty easy to drink for a beginner. Careful, though. Drink too many of these and you’ll end up a _lot_ drunker than you’d think.”

Carefully picking the drink up so he wouldn’t spill any, he took a small sip from it. He hummed as he tasted it, enjoying the smooth flavor. 

“Thanks!” he said, setting the drink back down. 

The man nodded before walking off to deal with another customer. 

Taking another sip, Ren mentally noted that the man was right about it being easy to drink. It was almost _dangerously_ easy to drink, actually. He felt like he could have at least five more of them. 

While this was the first time Ren had decided to get a drink here, it wasn’t the first time he had been in the room itself. Though the last time he had come in, all he had done was look around before leaving, not having been interested in anything other than exploring. 

The place hadn’t seemed to change much from what he remembered. Though he could have sworn that the music by the bar used to be louder. He supposed it was good that they had changed the volume distribution, he probably wouldn’t have been able to hear the bartender at _all_ otherwise. 

It was still too noisy though. And the cloud of smoke from the group of boys next to him was nearly _suffocating_. He took another long sip of his drink to distract him from the atmosphere.

“Hello?” 

Ren turned to the side as he felt someone tap his shoulder. Standing there was a girl with wavy blonde hair and too much makeup. She looked to be about his age, actually. 

“Yes?” he asked, curiously. What could she want with him…?

“You’re Sakakibara Ren, right?” she asked, batting her eyelashes as she sat down beside him. 

_Aren’t you a little young to be a gold digger?_ Ren thought dryly, careful to keep his expression pleasant. “I am.” he replied simply with a small smile. 

The girl smiled wider. “I thought I recognized you! My parents work for yours! They came here for that event that everyone’s all excited about.”

Ah, that made sense. His parents had brought along a few of their employees that would be needed, paying for their rooms while they were here as a business expense. 

He had to hand it to his parents, they certainly knew how to keep employees loyal. 

The girl tilted her head as she glanced down at his hand. “What happened to your hand?” she asked.

Ren blinked and looked down before laughing lightly. “Oh I tripped earlier and knocked over a vase, and then landed on one of the shards.”

“Mmm,” the girl hummed, barely paying attention as she flagged down the bartender to ask for a drink. “That’s too bad.”

Ren subtly rolled his eyes at the expected lack of care. He could already tell that she was only here to flirt and maybe get close to him as a way to get money. Either through dating him directly or by making a good enough impression to boost her parents’ careers. 

He had dealt with girls like this for as long as he could remember, all of them only interested in him because of how _useful_ he could be to them.

He had always _hated_ it. 

But now… wasn’t _everybody_ just trying to use him? All of them selfishly grabbing at him and rearranging him to fit their purposes. 

His parents had dragged him to this place and expected him to be their perfect _happy_ son, the way they always did. They had forced him to become someone else to suit their needs anytime they needed to _pretend_ to be a proper family, and had scolded him anytime he looked too unhappy in public. 

And it wasn’t just them. Even _Gakushuu_ used him for his own gain now. 

He hadn’t just wanted Ren to change his _image_ _,_ he had come to realize, but his entire _personality._ It had started small, but over time the things his friend had asked him to adjust about himself had piled up until even _he_ was beginning to lose track of where his acting began and ended. For so long after they first met, Ren had been so _sure_ that Gakushuu would be the one person he could trust to not ask him to change who he was for him. And yet...

_Everyone selfishly uses each other,_ he thought, subtly clenching his fists in his lap. _Humans selfishly just take and_ take _from one another until they’re satisfied, with no regard for the consequences to the other person._

(A lonely and quiet boy had always viewed the world from behind a large glass window. 

He watched and watched, barely moving to interact, never really understanding how. 

Then slowly, over time, handprints began to form on the outside of the glass, each cruel and self-centered act leaving a muddy mark behind. 

More and more greedy and self-serving acts piled up over time, staining the other side of the glass until the outside world was completely obscured from his view. And then suddenly, the only thing left that the boy could see…

Was his own face reflected back at him.)

_Everyone uses each other,_ Ren thought to himself, mind gradually darkening as his thoughts progressed, the change going unnoticed by him. _And if everyone is just going to use each other for their own selfish reasons, then why can’t_ I _do that too? Why bother fighting it anymore?_

_Why not just embrace it?_

Ren took a sip of his drink before turning back to the girl who had just been handed her own drink. After watching her calculatingly for a few moments, Ren gently reached forward and clasped her free hand with his own, smoothly bringing it up to his face as he pressed a soft kiss to the back of it, repressing a smile of satisfaction at her sudden sharp intake of breath.

“Apologies for not doing this earlier,” Ren said lowly, peering up at her through his lashes, “a lady should always be greeted properly, don’t you agree?”

Face beginning to flush, the girl gave a surprised giggle at that. Ren could see that, while her expression of interest before might have been feigned, _this_ one was very much real. From where he held her hand, he could even feel her pulse speed up. 

Keeping his smile to a charming smirk, he leaned in just a bit closer to her. “Actually, I’d _love_ to get to know you better.” he said before bringing his other hand up to gently tilt her chin up, forcing her to meet his eyes directly. “There’s a few private rooms off to the side,” he nodded his head towards the side of the room where a set of doors lay, “back there. This conversation would be much more enjoyable if we were properly... _alone_ , don’t you think?”

The girl nodded at that, dazed and wide-eyed at the sudden attention. 

Ren smiled, eyelids lowering slightly in satisfaction. “Ah, I’m glad to hear that.” he said before tilting her chin up just the slightest bit more as he leaned even closer, his other hand still holding hers picking up on her now-racing heartbeat. “A lady as lovely as _you_ deserves to be given proper attention away from all of the prying eyes of those less important, after all. And I _do_ promise that you’ll have my full attention as we… get to know each other better.” He gently rubbed his thumb across the hand in his grasp, amused as she visibly repressed a shiver.

“That sounds… really nice.” the girl breathed out, too disoriented by all of the new feelings to say much else. 

Ren’s smile widened at that, something in his eyes watching her like she was a fascinating experiment. “That’s good,” he hummed lowly, “you go wait for me and I’ll be there in a moment after I pay for my drink, okay?”

Face turning from a rosy pink to a full scarlet, the girl nodded before turning and hurrying back towards the rooms. 

Ren flagged the bartender down and paid for both of their drinks before getting up and heading after the girl, a wolfish smirk on his face. 

This should be _interesting._

—

“The cleaning crew should be here soon,” his mom said, dabbing some concealer onto her neck to cover up the new scratches there, “and we’ll be leaving soon anyway, so make sure you’ve packed everything up, darling.”

Ren smiled at her, tilting his head as he gestured to his luggage. “I’m already all packed up, no worries!”

His father walked in then, pulling his suitcase behind him. “Well if everyone’s ready it’s time to go.” He tapped angrily at his phone, only giving them a spare glance. 

Nodding wordlessly, the woman tossed the bag of makeup back into her suitcase, having just finished. “So,” she asked brightly, glancing down at her son, “did you enjoy yourself last night?”

And if either of them bothered to look closer, they might have seen makeup on their son’s neck as well, though for entirely different reasons. 

Ren smiled widely up at them. “Yep!” he said.

“I had a _lot_ of fun.”


	11. Chapter 11

_Age 14:_

“I _swear_ he’s making these tests impossible to do well on.”

Ren turned to look at Araki as they all walked out of the classroom, the other boy clenching his test in his hand, a clear 89 marked on the front. 

Seo was scowling down at his own paper, having gotten an 88. “It’s such bullshit. Half of the stuff on this test wasn’t even _mentioned_ in class!” He half-shoved an unfortunate random student out of his way as they walked, visibly irritated about his grade. 

Asano rolled his eyes. “Perhaps if you _studied_ more this wouldn’t be an issue.”

“I studied all week.” Koyama grumbled, glaring at his own grade. “And I _still_ only got an 86.”

Looking up with a rueful smile, Araki remarked, “Well, it makes sense that Asano got the best grade out of us. It’s really to be expected at this point, honestly.”

Ren subtly glanced over at his friend at that, taking in the faint, barely hidden air of smugness now surrounding him. Over time, Ren had noticed Gakushuu beginning to take more and more pride in his accomplishments over others. It seemed like it wasn’t enough for him to just be complimented for being _good_ at something.

No, what _really_ seemed to put him in a good mood was being better than everyone _else._

He had noticed it during the other’s competitions, where Gakushuu’s focus had seemed to shift from just ‘winning’ to ‘completely crushing the competition’. He wasn’t satisfied unless the gap between his win and everyone else’s loss was _noticeably_ substantial. 

Seeing the paper labeled with a 98 in Gakushuu’s grasp, Ren smiled and smoothly slipped his own paper into his folder before putting it into his bag. Throughout the years, Ren had done his best to continue to score just a bit lower than the other, knowing that keeping that few points of difference between their grades was what kept what was left of their friendship safe. 

Ren’s talent lied mainly in memorization, which helped him in a school setting like this. He generally just needed to read through a full section of a textbook once to learn and memorize its contents. 

While he was aware that Gakushuu would get higher grades whether he held back or not, it was safer not to chance it. He made a mental note to be more careful about it in the future. 

So with his perfect score tucked away from prying eyes, he grinned brightly and placed a hand to his chest. “Of course Asano got the best grade.” he said, head tilted slightly as he widened his smile further. “He’s the smartest kid in our school, after all. _Obviously_ no one could top him.” His statement pulled nods from the other three, all in agreement. 

Gakushuu’s lips twitched up at least half a centimeter at that, which Ren counted as a win. 

As they continued their normal walk back to their homes, Ren had to repress a frown at the memory of the year before when someone had scored two points higher than Gakushuu on a test. The other had spent a solid three days and nights studying instead of sleeping or eating.

He had driven himself into the _ground_ with studying just to take back his normal lead the next time, angrily blaming himself the entire time for ‘slipping’. 

Ren… really didn’t want to be the cause of another reaction like that. 

He resolved himself to be more careful with his scores from then on. Another event like this might not go as smoothly the next time.

—

Ren hummed a tune as he poured two ounces of bourbon into the half-full shaker before cracking some ice into it and putting the lid on. After shaking it for a bit, he poured the mixture out into a tall glass, cutting a slice of orange to float on top of the drink. 

Picking the drink up and taking a sip, he sighed happily at the flavor that greeted his tongue. 

He walked over to the couch in the living room and sat down, taking occasional sips from the glass as he did so.

Ren supposed that perhaps his parents wouldn’t want him drinking so much. But honestly if they didn’t want him to drink, they shouldn’t have left a teenager alone for so long with a _full liquor bar._

Hell, his parents hadn’t even been home in over four _months._ They had been gone for longer stretches of time of course, but they had texted him earlier in the day to let him know that they’d be coming home the following week.

He was feeling… a little _conflicted_ by the news.

He huffed a small laugh as he brought the glass back up to his lips. _And what better way to deal with conflicted feelings is there than to drink until you can’t feel them anymore?,_ he thought to himself, feet propped up on the other end of the couch as he sprawled out.

Setting the glass down onto the coffee table, Ren picked up one of the notebooks from the stack on the table. 

He had gone through his old poetry collection earlier on in the day and had pulled out the notebooks full of the poems he had written throughout the years, driven by some strange sense of nostalgia he couldn’t quite place his finger on.

Running his fingers over the old leather cover of the notebook, he opened it slowly, careful not to damage the spine.

He sipped his drink as he read through the pages, wincing or making faces at some of his less well-crafted works, while smiling or taking note of some of his better ones for possible inspiration for future poems.

He spent the next few hours that way, going through notebook after notebook, all filled with the poems he wrote while growing up. 

(And if more than one poem seemed to feature someone described as having eyes like newly bloomed violets and hair like the earliest moments of a sunset… well, that was nobody’s business but his own.)

Finally near the end of his drink and the end of his stack of notebooks, he picked up the final one and flipped it open. 

Slowly trailing his fingers over the words written there, he read it out slowly, the memory of when he wrote this poem weighing more and more on him the further he read.

_/In a lovely and spacious but empty garden, a sole flower was planted_

_Its owners stayed and watered it lovingly at first_

_Then, slowly, they began to stay away longer, sure the flower would be fine without them_

_It grew alone there, blooming in the solitude and silence_

_Withstanding any weather_

_I am a flower_

_My gardeners remember to come back occasionally to check on me, and I bloom brighter for them when they do_

_Though they bring with them violence_

_And my leaves may become damaged_

_I find their smiles worth it, when they appear_

_But then they leave and my petals curl in once more_

_I am loved distantly, of this I know_

_The way most forgotten things are/_

Ren stared at the page in silence for a while after reading, not moving to even shut the book. 

He remembered this. He had written it one night years ago when the house seemed to _echo_ even without sound. When the shadows had seemed to stretch far past where they should have gone.

When the chill of an empty house had become too much for him.

He had been so _tired_ of being alone, despite knowing the dangers that came from the company of his parents. He... had missed them.

Fuck, even _here,_ a bit past tipsy and doing his best to not _think_ about anything for once, he still _missed_ them. He missed the smiles and the praise they would shower him with. The love and affection he could always feel directed at him.

He missed his _parents._

But he knew what would happen when they got home. His heart wanted them home, but his body still bore the scars of their altercations from over the years. 

As he trailed his fingers over the page once more, he realized that there were dried droplets from years before, smudging some areas of the ink. 

Ren closed his eyes and shut the book, quickly downing the last of his drink. He knew now that ruminating over the past wouldn’t help him.

He was just as lost now as he was then, after all.

—

Fists clenched at his sides, Ren glared in the direction of the kitchen. It had been going so _well,_ too! They had even managed to start dinner this time with only a handful of snide comments being made. That was _progress!_

They had both even ruffled his hair when he told them how well he was doing in school, both visibly proud of him! They had even remembered to ask how Gakushuu was doing recently, which Ren was happy about. If nothing else, at least they listened and remembered the things he told them about his life. 

But then it had been ruined by some disagreement over _cheese types_ of all things, which snowballed directly into a bigger fight over more serious things as they went. It had gotten to the point where he needed to get up and bolt from the room to escape being stuck in the line of fire once more. 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE I HAVE TO DEAL WITH SOMEONE AS _STUPID_ AS YOU!” his mother yelled, quickly followed by the sound of something being slammed into the counter. 

“IF YOU THINK _YOU’RE_ SOME KIND OF CAKEWALK, YOU’RE _SORELY_ FUCKING MISTAKEN!” His father’s voice rang out loudly, the sound of glass shattering right after followed, most likely in retaliation. 

Ren’s nails dug into his hands. Was it so much to ask that they just have _one_ peaceful dinner??

_CRASH_

“IF YOU HAD JUST PAID MORE ATTENTION DURING THAT LAST MEETING-”

“MAYBE IF YOU HADN’T FUCKING MOVED THE APPOINTMENT UP I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO-”

“-I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT YOU-”

Ren clamped his hands over his ears, doing his best to block out the sounds. But it was no use. If anything, it felt like their yelling was slowly getting _louder._

“YOU PIECE OF FUCKING-”

“-I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’D-”

They weren’t even _listening_ to each other at this point, they were both just angrily yelling over what the other was saying.

_SMASH_

Ren flinched as he heard something else shatter. He knew they replaced nearly everything they broke, but still…

He hated this. 

He just wanted all of this to _stop._

He wished they could have a peaceful afternoon together with no _fighting_ for once. Wasn’t there _anything_ those two could agree on for more than five minutes??

Ren paused where he stood, slowly pulling his hands away from his ears. Actually… there was _one_ thing that might work.

Tuning out the sounds of screaming, Ren’s eyes darted to the floor, looking for something specific. 

_Aha,_ he thought with a grim sort of satisfaction as he spotted it, _there you are._

There on the ground, pointing up and reflecting the lights above it, was a particularly sharp looking shard of glass. And it was _just_ the right size to suit his needs.

Walking calmly towards the kitchen as though nothing was wrong, Ren placed one foot steadily in front of the other, until-

A sudden pained shout grabbed the attention of the quarreling couple, both ceasing their yelling as their heads snapped over to the noise. 

Standing there with one foot slightly lifted off the ground, was Ren. 

_“Ren,”_ his mom began, hand over her mouth as her eyes widened at the sight, “your _foot.”_

Ren winced as he shifted his foot badly, causing a sharp stab of pain to hit him as blood trickling out of the wound slowly but steadily. “Yeah, I think I stepped on a shard of glass.” he hissed out, the pain making it difficult to speak normally. “Mom, could you go get the first aid box?”

Feeling dazed from the shock of the sight, she nodded and wordlessly hurried off to get it. 

Turning his gaze to his father, Ren asked, “Um, could you help me over to one of the chairs? I don’t think I can walk like this.”

“Oh, um…” his father said before hurrying forward to do just that. “Careful not to step on that foot,” he instructed as he guided him to one of the dining room chairs, “you’ll drive it farther in if you do.”

Ren nodded as he carefully sat down. “Thanks. Hopefully we’ll be able to pull the shard out easily.” he said, biting his lip slightly as though worried.

Hurrying back in with the first aid kit, his mom quickly set it onto the table and kneeled down with a small flashlight to get a better look at the injury. While she did that, his father quickly went to grab and wet some cloths to clean the blood from his foot. 

After glancing between them, Ren had to repress a smile. His plan had _worked._ Not only had they stopped fighting, but they had shifted directly into working together instead. 

Maybe he was in a bit of pain, but he supposed that was a small price to pay.

As they worked on treating his foot, his eyes trailed across the droplets of his blood that were scattered from the entrance of the room to where he was sitting. The dark red splotches to him seemed almost… _pretty._

It reminded him of when the petals would fall from his rose bush, turning the ground around it a deep burgundy. A harsh splash of color against the otherwise plain green of the grass that drew the eye. 

And now, the same deep red of those roses that demanded attention in nature covered his floor and demanded that same full attention from his parents, distracting them from their blind anger and replacing it quite thoroughly. 

Ren was careful not to let his internal happiness show on his face as they carefully removed the glass and properly cleaned the wound before bandaging his foot up. 

They continued to fret over him even after his foot was properly bandaged, his mom asking how he felt while his father moved to make him some hot cocoa. 

_Ah, finally,_ he thought as he gently soothed their concerns, _peaceful silence even with both of them home._ He smiled up at them, knowing that it was safe to do so now. 

_How lovely._

**Author's Note:**

> I appreciate comments! :D (honestly, comments are what fuel me to update so quickly lol)
> 
> UPDATE: I made a discord for anyone who likes Gakushuu and wants to chat about him, along with anyone who wants to chat about fanfics (also I'll be sending messages there when I update, so you'll be notified right away!) [here!!](https://discord.gg/7dqzBEh)


End file.
